Drool Worthy

Found these online yesterday whilst doing some research. My parents are off to Europe for my cousin's wedding and my wishlist consists of one item; the silk / chiffon skull scarf from Alexander McQueen. Alas it's price tag is sitting at £165. A girl can dream right?


So I leave you with these beauties... they are taking up the daydreaming space in my head.

 

BLACK LEATHER SKULL CHARM WALLET

- Oh my Fuck!!

CORNFLOWER ENAMEL SKULL BANGLE

- The most beautiful thing I have ever seen!

What I'm Reading...

Read is a four letter word to me... I'm being sarcastic not literal of course.This is an ironic predicament because I adore the written word . I absorb so many online articles, magazines, and crosswords. I am filled with good intention. I mean my bookshelf is full of wonderful authors and stories.It seems I have a block. I will pick up a book, full of excitement, begin reading the first few pages, make it about a chapter in; it will hit my bedside table and there it will become the coaster on which I place my drinks and other items. It will gather dust and eventually be retired to the bookshelf... of death.


I have tried, I really have. In this entire year I have finished one whole book, which I started in December last year. Chuck Palahniuk's "Non-Fiction". The book is brilliant. I think I stopped reading it because I left it in a camera bag and forgot about it. Then I thought I was on a roll, so I promptly bought more books of the same ilk. More Chuck's, a Hunter S. Thompson. For a while I was even reading "When Hungry, Eat" by Joanne Fedler, I had heard good things about this book. Being a girl of the "curvy" persuasion I thought I'd give it a read. It was awesome for the first half. Then I got bored of being preached too. A fatty was telling another fatty to diet, please girl, fuck off. That is more than likely not the intended message and I cannot give it a full review as I never finished the book, oh like most diets HA HA.


So I then turned to Chuck again, one of my new purchases. One of his newer publications, "Rant". I thought this would be it, the one to break the curse. Nope, it too hit the shelves.


So then my mom mentioned that she had the much lauded book, "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. I had seen this book on the shelves of Exclusive books a while back and the black and white cover paired with the title really drew me too it. I had to read it. Then when I got to Cape Town my gran was raving to me about it. I had to read it. Then my mom had it. 


Now I am reading it. I make no promises, I am a mere two chapters in, but I am liking it. 


I'll fill you in at a later stage. Reading with me is a slow process, but then so is losing weight. HA HA.

Lyric of the Day

I heard this song on a compilation Paul downloaded many months ago. This band is fantastic. I have fallen head over heels in love with this song. Her voice is so lovely. I have to pass the joy on. 

ENJOY!

"Shake off what leaves you cold

Shiver and disintegrate 

Leaving just a core

I’ll shake off what leaves me cold

Shiver and disintegrate

Leaving just a core

Things we will always wonder

Things we will try to measure

Things we will never shake, never shed ever

Things we will always wonder

That our questions written through bone as if words and sticks were wrong

And whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle or not

Was I harrowed to the marrow when I fell shallow to the shock

I will always wonder whether I gave up

And we will always wonder

We will try to measure

Things we will never shake, never shed ever

We will always wonder whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Or not 

Whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Or not

Never shake, never shed

Never shake, never shed..."
- A.T.M. by Sky Larkin

Happy Birthday!

My Dear Paul


Although we may be spending some time apart. I still want to wish you the happiest of birthdays. 

26 today!!

I have known you for 11 of those 26 years. From high school buddies, forever friends at AFDA, party pals after varsity, colleagues and then partners in life and crime. 

I wish for you a year and life paved by good choices, fine wine, good music, memorable moments, loyal friends, successful business endeavours, strong health, bursts of creative joy and energy, fantastic adventures around the world and of course boundless love.

I give to you my promise to remain your friend, to remain by your side without defining the capacity. To abandon a friendship and love as true as ours would be shameful.

Celebrate life! For you have only enjoyed the first quarter of it. 

I toast to you, My Paul.

"And I hope that you smile tonight..."

- Three Hopeful Thoughts by Rilo Kiley

I stole this from Cayla's blog, and she stole it...

Where did the title of of your blog come from?

It is a line from one of my favourite Minor Threat songs. 

"Early to finish, I was late to start

I might be an adult, but I'm a minor at heart..."

The tagline of my blog. I feel that it sums up who I am. Stay forever young (you know you're singing the song right now)

Are you more of an extrovert or an introvert?

I did a psychometry test and it turns out that I am both. I am introverted with extroverted tendencies, but then again, aren't we all.

What makes you really sad?

When someone in my family is hurt or betrayed by those they trust. When harmless animals are hunted or abused. When families are torn apart by tragedy. And when I fight with those I love, for that I am sorry.

What makes you really happy?

Being on holiday in the game reserve with those I love.

Favorite book you have ever read?

The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay

 I have the same issue as my sister. I can't seem to get to the end of a book nowadays. I am a good starter. I collect the damn things. I adore books. I plan on writing one someday. I better get cracking on the reading thing I guess.

Where did you grow up?

I was born in Cape Town, moved to Joburg at 18 months then back to Cape Town until I was 4 years old and then back to Smogsville aka JoziTown. So I grew up in Joburg. Lombardy East (classy ek se) for 16 years until we moved on and up to the "posh greener grasses" of Sandton.

What is your favorite event from your adulthood so far?

Travelling to the UK and Europe. I did the UK all on my lonesome. 

What is your favorite event from your childhood?

Going on family holidays, to Cape Town and what not.

What is your motto in life?

It's the same as my sister's really. I pointed it out in the song to her. It resonates with us both. I do believe that living day to day is essential. I am such a planner that seeing the day for what it is can be overlooked. This year has taught me to calm down with myself, stop overplanning. Manage correctly, take in each moment and make time for yourself.

"We can't spend our lives waiting to live." 

- Rise Against

What kind of people do you get along with?

Politicians, sexual offenders, bigots, racists, polygamists and nazis, oh and hunters!!

Ok no. People with a great sense of humour, a modicum of intelligence, sense of self respect for themselves and others, and animal lovers.

What are you best at?

Shit talking. I can talk the hind leg off of a donkey. I am also a great scheduler, planner, sorter and admin geek. 

I love writing.

Who do you respect the most?

I agree with my sissy. She said our parents. They have taught me (and thus us), and instilled in us, the most unwavering work ethic, self respect and ability to love. At times they have had to work more than one job at a time to make ends meet. Currently they own a restaurant and dry cleaner. My mom runs the restaurant and oversees the dry cleaner. She also works as a pilates instructor three times a week. My dad is a freelance consultant for a software solutions company. Thus they are still working multiple jobs. Respect.

Would you like to be famous?

No thanks. I'd be in jail all the time for punching the papps.

What kind of man/woman would you like to marry?

Well a man first off. One that is financially independent with a sense of humour, well educated, relatively healthy and with a stable family life.

If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?

The USA, not sure on the state. Probably Boulder, Colorado.

If you could try anything and could not fail, what dream would you attempt?

I would open a no kill animal shelter. Just like all adoption and placement centres our focus would be on forever home adoptions. We would have a strong marketing team. The facilities would be state of the art, clean and all the staff would be well compensated. A volunteer program that will allow children to get involved in different capacities. As puppies require socialisation, and children need to learn how to handle, feed and clean up after an animal. Older children, young adults to adults can help with clean up, basic medication administration (deworming etc), washing of the animals, socialisation, walking, fostering and social media.

What superpower would you want and why?

To fly.

Are you a beach, country, or city girl?

If the game reserve is the country then that is who I am.

Something Borrowed

This is a follow on post. I mentioned in my last post that my future wedding dress would take inspiration from both my grandmothers' dresses. They are both unique and beautiful, just like the women themselves.

Thelma (nee Feinberg) and Issy Beder 

Alan and Milly (nee Schiff) Reiff

Nice Day for a White Wedding

So every little girl has dreamed of her wedding day in some form or another. I'm not actually that kind of girl, and I really poo-pooed the idea and ideal of marriage. I saw it as antiquated and unnecessary. As I have aged and matured, so has my outlook. I have softened. I wear skirts, florals and have manicures. I've become a lady who still loves the punk rock kid living in my soul. I'll drink a beer with the best of them, and scream to my favourite Black Flag song in my car.

I think my initial outlook on marriage was dictated by my opinion of myself. I had a very low self image, esteem and regard. I think my distaste for the union and my opinion towards it was all a cover up. I think I was just afraid that no one would want to marry me. Lo and behold, we change. We mature. I too want to be married. I have been loved. It can happen.


I am not opposed to the idea of living in unwedded bliss with strong co-habitation agreements in hand I might add. However, as Paul has stated, if one of the partners wishes to walk down the aisle then that is the way it has to be.


So I find at my age, nearing the 26 mark, I am looking at more and more bridal sites, reading more articles and subconsciously admiring cakes. I think it is more of  a biological clock thing than a yearning to have a "ring on this finger" thing.


This all comes across as sounding super psycho, judge me as you may. I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am, and will readily admit to this behaviour. It's not like I'm planning the big day or anything like that... Gosh you have to be engaged, however I do know what I would like to wear, eat, and be blinging on my ring finger.

So first comes the ring....
Sirkel Jewellery

My Dream Dress

Grace Kelly - I love the absolute elegance and timelessness

Kate Middleton
Such a beautiful dress -
Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen

 

I'll take either one - From Annica's Deli

What I know for sure is that I will be taking inspiration from the designs of both my Grandmothers' dresses. This will be my homage to them. They both had such exquisite dresses in their own rights. Thelma (dad's mom) had a lace dress that was well-fitted, soft and flowed with beauty, and Milly's (mom's mom) was raw silk and 1950's high fashion. I love both the looks. It is a pity that both the dresses have subsequently been sold and lost over time. It would have been a blessing to have used some of the material in a dress of my own, and I know my sister feels the same way. I will post images of their dresses soon. Their looks have to be shared. Plus the photographs themselves are fantastic!

New Music Love

Heard this song for the first time on the radio the other day. Thought it was the new Modest Mouse. I think they have a similar sound. Can't wait to get the album. Enjoy the sound, enjoy the video!

Grouplove - Colours

This Made Me Sigh Today

Perusing my new favourite website, vanityfair.com I came across the best dressed list for 2011, amongst other stunning pictorials. One of my favourite photogrpahers is a contributing editor for Vanity Fair. Ms Annie Liebovitz is a visionary. The pictures below are not hers but they did make me sigh today. This is just a random selection off the site.

The Duchess of Cambridge wearing chiffon Alexander McQueen.

The Duchess of Cambridge, Catherine in a pair of  L.K. Bennett's Sledge Shoes

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy in Spain - her voice melts my heart

Cara, Chloe, and Poppy Delevingne - 3 sissys with style

Zooey Deschanel in Valentino at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2011 -
Oh Zooey, you crush my heart.
How I want your long brown locks, and piercing eyes!

Juliette Lewis in Georges Hobeika Couture at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2011.

Darren Aronofsky and Mickey Rourke - Pictorial for The Wrestler (love it!)
Is it me, or does Darren look like a Victorian gentleman?

Umberto Dei Giubileo (Italy, 1996) -
Cyclepedia: A Century of Iconic Bicycle Design

The Way We See Things

 You - To Complete...

Me - To Complement...

My Sister

I just want to say thank you to my beautiful, strong, vivacious, young-at-heart, full-of-shit, sharp and highly intelligent sister. She herself has weathered a storm this year that no one could predict nor imagine, and my heart breaks when I think of a day without her in it. Yet she took the time out to write about me in her blog. The entry made me cry. She chose just the right song, just the right singer, just the right words. 

Thank you for knowing me.

Chasing Pavements

Even though the song 'Chasing Pavements' is about going after love, I prefer to use the term in another context. 


The second half of last year was my year of "chasing pavements". For every fight Paul and I would have, I would literally take to the streets in a bid for attention and to cool my rage. I didn't want him to follow, yet I would turn and look for him. I did a lot of walking last year. Through the streets of Highlands North, Houghton, Norwood, Edenvale, Sandton and many more avenues and ways. I walked in the rain, harsh sun and cold. I ran away from him and eventually tore the ligaments in my ankle, this for me was a literal grounding, an end to our fights. Months of physiotherapy got my ankle right. Yet it did not end. Paul then adopted this behaviour and I had to take chase, bad leg and all. 


We have chased pavements and each other in Johannesburg, Cape Town and even Swaziland. If I could not run I would threaten to kill myself. He went through so much. I finally got help in March and have not gone chasing any pavements in a very long time. I have opted instead for a more sedentary approach, once a week in my therapist's office. 


However my best friend, my lover, my heart... is still chasing pavements and I can no longer run after him. This is a journey you will have to chase without me. I trust you find the help you need along the way. 


I love you. I will be at the end of your road waiting.

New Paths

This never meant to become a blog, memoir, journal for my ramblings about my dealings as a bi-polar lady. However, it has dominated my year. From psychiatrists and psychologists appointments. Blood tests. Medication, the scripting, the sorting, the trials and oh, the tribulations. This has been anything but an easy path for me. 


With a gentle push from Nicky, my psychologist, I have decided that incorporating my daily, weekly ups-and-downs is a great idea. Everything on the net is so clinical and down the line. I have found that there is no set diagnosis for someone. Each experience is unique, as is each person. 


This is where I have hit heads with my psychiatrist (no names mentioned). I find her approach far to strong, determined and decided. She gives the correct "ums" and "ahs" when I mention my symptoms and prescribes her "treatment", which I have discovered she rarely deviates from, from patient to patient. 


She placed me on a cocktail of Lilly Fluoxetine (Prozac), to treat the depression; Lamictin as a mood stabiliser and Seroquel for any rage attacks. Weeks passed and I was feeling really fluey. I didn't know what to put it down to, I took Spirulina to boost my immune system, carried tissues for the sniffles, sucked on throat lozengers for the sore throat, sprayed the nose sprays, I took Linctagon for further immune support and nothing seemed to work. I had a post-nasal drip from hell. Hacking and choking is great! I thought I cannot be so sick for so long for no reason. Research was needed, research I did. Google, my friend, apparently there is a side effect known as the Lamictal post nasal drip. Aha, I thought, it's not all in my mind (har-har). Side effects included flu-like symptoms. So a visit to the psych was needed. 


I walked in confidently with my researched (read Googled) evidence of my side effects. I had my argument laid out. She bulldozed. She basically poo-pooed my symptoms, and said that any site and any medication will list basic side effects with which I was presenting on paper and that my physical side effects were not from the medication. I felt differently and asked to come off the Lamictin. The withdrawl was not fun. Lethargy, headaches, nausea. I did more reading and found out that her cold-turkey cut was maybe not the best choice for me. A slow decrease in dose to ween me off may have been better. 


Just before I was taken off the Lamictin I went to see her as I was still not completely stable, having vicious rage attacks and bouts of severe sadness. The thought of suicide was high after I would lash out. So she placed me on Quinolum SR (Lithium). This was the biggest deal for me and I fought it tooth and nail. I did not want to be a Lithium user. The stigma surrounding the drug for me was huge. My mom felt the same way. I spoke to my GP about it, I spoke to Nicky about it. All felt it was okay and that the advances made in the field were huge. I was at ease. So far, so good.


Then the sadness and rage returned as I was no longer on a mood stabiliser. So back to psych I went. R650 a shot I might add (for a 15 minute session). Basically it costs that much for a bloody script. Robbery. So we discussed my options. Being a girl of the heavier persuasion the use of Epilim was out as I would eat voraciously on this, thus becoming bigger, depressed. Not a great cycle. So she settled on Tegretol. With Lamictin she warned me about an aggressive rash that could occur. I didn't present with such rash, but I did get the flu-like symptoms (which sucked!). 


I went away this weekend with Paul. We went to the Kruger. It was great. This was 5-6 days into my Tegretol introduction. We took a bath, and both noticed this crazy ITCHY red rash on my thighs, and on my ankles. I thought I had been bitten by a spider, or had a heat rash (in Winter?). So by the Saturday morning it had gotten progressively worse and I sent pics to my parents. My mom spoke to my aunt, a bi-polar empathiser. She had the same rash! From the same meds. Fuck, seriously. I researched this one. Google, you failed me, damn it. I was in the 5% of people with this Tegretol rash and it is hectic. I am now on anti-histamines and low dose cortisone to get it done. Thank fuck it is winter, I can cover up this shit. 


I am so tired of this path. 


Psych, you are fired!


I am going to see a new one, new opinion, new approach. 


Sigh. So there is my rant for today. I still have a post-nasal drip plus hacking cough. Paul loves it. It jars him awake. I will work this all out. There is no hard-fast science to this stuff would you believe. No one prescription works for all. I just wish it could have been a once off case for me. But then again, what is life without adversity. We learn from mistakes. I write about it. Tell you about it. Oh, the learning I have done this year.