This Fork In The Road

"...Keeping our wits about us

our fists are powerless

leaving nothing behind us

it seems we're just not that important

maybe in our minds

but a healthy mind is hard to find...

everyone is leaving with cuts on their hands

and scars on their arms

and dreams on their stereos

in sleep-deprived plans

we burn bushes at this

fork in the road..."

 - Fork in the Road by aKing

Today marks one of the darkest days, most ridiculous arguments and most senseless violent upheavals.

I am not sorry for being social, I am not sorry for being chatty, I am not sorry about forgetting someone insignificant, I am not sorry for refusing to admit guilt to a lie that I do not own. I am not sorry for feeling the way I do today, I am not sorry for what I said to you.

I am sorry for how I hurt you, with my hands. 

I am sorry for you. I wish you could see that I would never be deceitful nor secretive. I am not malicious nor cunning. I am sorry for you that you choose to adopt a possessive, jealous and obsessive mentality. It is very hard to love you when you are always like this. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you and I have changed almost every aspect of my life to ensure that it fits in with your behaviour. 

I am sorry for myself. I am constantly the target of wrongful accusations, and am always being told that I am lying. I live an honest life. My life is constantly coloured in by you. You try to fill in all the details, but with the wrong colours. 

I am sorry for you, I am sorry for me. 

We have beaten each other up. Emotionally, mentally and physically. 

We are now at this proverbial fork in the road.

I have reached it, I really don't know which way to turn. Do I turn to more medication, as you always tell me that I am mentally unstable, or do I go darker and reach for the entire bottle.

I ask you this as I am not the only one, who down a path in life is forced to change. When one can't see the fault in themselves it is inevitably there.

I am sorry, but I am not sorry for being me.