Crappy Week

It has been one of those hair-pulling out weeks where everything seems to be going wrong. Where my future is up in the air and no matter what I seem to be doing to smooth matters out, they remain ruffled. 

Last week I had a colossal fight with my mother which was started by an innocent request on her behalf and I launched at her. I told her everything I felt about her, everything negative. About the way she raised me versus my sister, that she is the reason I am overweight, and she did her best to deflect the pain. I threw my phone on the floor, destroying it (the third in two years). I stormed out. An hour or so she came to apologise.  It was for me to apologise, but it seems that I will always remain the child. We didn't speak for a few days. 

I acknowledged that the problem was back, despite my meds being level. I needed help. I searched the net and found the therapist. 

I started sessions with the new psychologist who seems strong enough. I chose him on the basis that he had experience in anger management and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Tuesday was my first session with him. I chose to start therapy again as my anger and rage have been getting out of control as of late. My previous therapy session with my last therapist served a purpose in helping me deal with my relationship with Paul. I was with Nicky for two years and she was great. She allowed me to debrief and taught me coping mechanisms. She gave me tools with which to deal with Paul and ultimately the strength the end the relationship. She, along with my ever-suffering friends and family brought me out of the darkness. However, as I am a normal human, I deal with ups-and-downs and my medication cannot control my behaviour by itself. I need to learn to do that by myself. So I have gone to my new therapist.

I told my mom that I had made the appointment and that I was so so sorry. I spilled everything about how life has me so frustrated. The normal shit. 

This past weekend the most epic storm hit Joburg and as it turns out fried the motherboard on my R15,000 PC. That's all. Not the one I am typing from (puh-lease). Ok so this is turning into a rant post. I am allowed a rant post. This is my blog (hellur!). 

Saturday afternoon was also spent at Joburg General hospital as my mothers staff member was almost beaten to death by her boyfriend. For the full post read it here. It took me back to my abusive relationship with Paul, and I was like a zombie for the weekend. 

The last part of the week was no better as my work life may be changing too. However that is up in the air and I am keeping a positive attitude about it and am up for anything. 

Things that have been getting me through this week:

# Red wine

# Happy Endings

#Pizza (well carbs in general)

# The Gaslight Anthem

# Ella

This face ^^

Lella's Photo Session

My little darling Ella (Basset / Ridgeback) climbs onto my lap when I do my makeup and hair at my dressing table. She moans and scratches me if I do not pay her attention. So I pull her up onto my lap and she places her two front paws on the dresser and gazes at herself in the mirror and out at the sun. These are three of the images I took of her whilst she was being silly. Enjoy!

It Ain't What You Do

I've been having fun with my Blackberry Touch 9900. Taking pics and videos of my Little. I edited a video of her and her antics. 

Enjoy!

Picnic and Puppies in the Park

Saturday afternoon was spent under the trees in one of the many parks in my area. We had to escape the buzzing inferno that is the heat wave. We had bought goodies from the new Pick 'n Pay Food Studio and took our spread to the lush lawns. Puppies, ball throwers and half tennis ball in tow... we were packed. What an awesome lazy Saturday afternoon. Bliss!

Bath More

I have decided to bath more. Winter may be over, but my new found love for luxurious bubble and bath salt laden baths is not. Time to chill out, get warm, unwind, read, and vegetate. 


My dog is fascinated with this concept. She herself is bathed regularly (once using Toni & Guy shampoo - I ran outta the doggie stuff). It is strange that she would have such a curious mind for bathing and water considering that she is a Basset Cross, and those little legs are not made for swimming. Needless to say, on Tuesday night, during one of my bath sessions, Ella decided that she wanted to bath too.  Moaning by the edge, then climbing onto the side amongst the assortment of glass containers and soaps. My sister, Cayla, thought this was hilarious and just put her in. Ella loved it. The warmth, the smell, the floating lavendar. She sat in my lap. Too cute, too funny. Much to the dismay of my parents who are currently on vacation overseas. This act was worse than a houseparty!


So I will be making time to bath more. Making time for me. 

This is kinda what she looked like.

Little Erra

I have posted a few times about my Basset Cross, Ella. She is my heart. She is now a hefty 18kgs and growing. She has just turned 7 months, and she is still such a puppy. She sleeps in my bed with me. She is a tunneller, making her way under and down my duvet. Later emerging for some cool air. She is such a smart, smart dog. She is obsessed with tennis balls, soup bones, ropes, plastic flower pots and her Kong (which we stuff with peanut butter and Doggie Snax). She hides her toys under the couches, and then sticks her head underneath to moan, whine and bark at her lost items. She is also completely smitten with Caesar our Alsatian Cross. She bugs and bites him to no end, making him emit this high pitched whine, that drives us crazy. 


On Sunday my sister and I took them for a walk along the Sandspruit River, which runs along the boundary of the houses in my area. Our dogs love the walk. They are off their leashes, free to roam, run, shit, rub themselves in bird poop and mingle with other pooches. I had Ella's ball tosser loaded with new tennis ball. I was throwing, she was catching. We get to our usual stop off point by the water's edge, a sandbank. She runs onto the bank, ball in her mouth, which she promptly drops in the water. I watch it for a few seconds float on by me, sister hollering behind my head. I then attempt to retrieve the ball. Fail, fail, fail. I walk further along, placing my feet and self closer to the ball, unaware that Little Ella was bounding on behind me right into the water to save her toy. She however got swept up by the current, went scooting on her bottom down the green, moss and slime laden rocks, surfing the rapids, all the way down to the swirling water below. Swimming, swimming, oh the little legs that couldn't. Cayla screaming, screeching! I gingerly placed my feet on the slippery rocks in an attempt to save my child. Fail, fail, fail. Cayla still screaming. I go around the trees to a grassy embankment and show Little the way out. She clambers up and out. Safe. Drama over, well kinda. Cayla, is fuming and storms off. I let her walk it out. Ella is fine apart from being drenched to the bone, but full of beans. The walk back commences, and Ella attacks every sand trap on the way back. Oh hell dog, you are totally getting a wash. 


My Little Erra.

I got shave-ed for my oprayshun.

  

In my Winter Collection

  

 

How My Little Has Grown So Big.

So it has been about a month and a half that little Ella has been in our lives, and boy has she grown. In the 6 weeks that she has been running around Beder manor she has piled on 6.5 kilograms. It took a little research and we figured out that our little is going to be a big. Bloodhound big. Her mommy is a basset hound. But it seems that her and her brothers have got her father's looks, or should I say bone structure and colouring. Her paws are massive, her ears are floppy. She is ball, rope, bone, couch, pillow, stick, actually anything she can chew, crazy. She is teething you see. A hand will do just fine too. In these past few weeks, she has taken to sleeping in her little bed like a champ, although her tummy works like clockwork at 4am. She then wakes up at 5am for cuddle time, and who could resist those droopy puppy eyes. She then crawls to the warmest spot in the bed, down to my legs. She is so sweet, like a portable hot water bottle with a heartbeat (that weighs 8kgs). She then emerges a few hours later, too warm, and wide awake, it's chew time. 


This little Ella has stolen my heart. Her love is unconditional towards me and mine towards her. I miss her when I am not around her. She makes me laugh and I am loving watching her grow. The last few weeks have been a real mommy test, as she is like a real baby. Up every few hours for toilet (read nappy) duty. I am really looking forward to seeing what she will look like as a big girl. She does not replace the space left in my heart left by my Sabrina, but she has carved out a new one. 


My boss has also adopted one of her brothers. Things turn out great sometimes. At least I know one of her little siblings has gone to a good home.  


Here are a few pictures of the little one in doing her thing. Hope they smiles to your face as they have to mine. Enjoy! 

Little Ella

Last week Friday, my family and I began our search for a new four-legged family member. We began on the Friday afternoon at a dog shelter in Woodmead by our home. We had heard about a litter of basset hound crosses, and two little staffie cross boys. Alas we were searching for a girl to add to our family. We kept that shelter in mind and then moved our search along to the Saturday and the greater areas of Johannesburg and it's "surrounds". I say "surrounds", as we traveled far and wide, from Krugersdorp to Roodepoort, Sandton to Booysens. We saw all the SPCA's, Animal Anti-Cruelty Leagues and other animal shelters we could fit in to the strict 9-12 time frame. It was a saddening process. We needed a girl, we wanted a puppy. We looked at those faces, we wanted them all. Love is not even an issue. We came home empty handed, our hearts a little sadder. I don't think I was ready for a new baby in the home, as the loss of my baby, Sabrina, was still so raw. So I left the choice of adoption up to my sister and my dad. I knew this was not about me, it was about Caesar. Our 10 year old Alsatian mix. He needed a companion and play partner.


On Saturday afternoon my dad told me that he had phoned the Woodmead shelter about fostering one of the basset puppies for the weekend. To see how they would fit in. The car came down the drive way.


She ran in.


She bumbled, she fumbled, she fitted in. From fostered to family in an hour.


Little Ella is a firm member of our family in just 8 days. She has put on 1kg in weight in a week. I am happy to say that she is a little princess with the jaws of a shark. I love her. I cannot wait to see the beauty she grows into. What a blessing. What a soul.