My Gotta Have Em Items

These are my "gotta-have-'em" fashion items, including hair and styles for the coming seasons. In South Africa, we are going into Autumn and Winter. All pictures are from Lookbook. I love this site. Constantly updated with individual style from around the world. Enjoy!

Awesome Style

Awesome Hair

Awesome Chinos

Awesome Scarves

Awesome Scarf / Handbag combo

Awesome Handbag

Awesome Boots

Earth Hour

Farewell My Heart...

On Monday evening at 18h15 I put my 15 year old Staffie cross, Sabrina, to sleep. She was my heart. I have had her since I was 11 years old. She came to us from a family that could not give her the love she craved and so deserved. She was a light, she was a joy. My little baby always had a glint in her eye, she was mischievous, fun loving, warm hearted, intuitive and full of love. She would snuggle you when you were sad and lie on you when she needed attention.


She had had a hip problem since she was a puppy. My family could not afford to give her the op that she needed, we gave her the love. We gave her the meds when her arthritis came in older age, we gave her meds when her spine started to deteriorate. Love and care was never a question. It is what she gave us. Throughout my time with her, all I worried about was my life without her. I ached at the thought of my world without her. I cried many nights. As she got older, I got sadder. Towards the end she needed help to go outside. She could't walk and would cry for attention. Eating was tedious. We were only postponing the inevitable. We had had the arguments that her head and heart were fine, but her body was giving in.


I miss her. I hear her breathing, I hear her collar. I have not properly cried over the loss. I am still in shock. The stages of grief and loss, I guess. 


In the end her body had atrophied to such a point that the vet, our family friend, Stan could not find a usable vein in her leg in which to inject the sedative and consequent anesthetic overdose.. I had to hold up her head to help with the circulation. I held her as she was falling asleep. I held her as she death rattled, as she died. I kissed her goodbye. 


My baby is resting, no more pain. Somewhere to run, somewhere she can breathe. I have yet to collect her ashes. She will be with me forever. 

I love you Sabrina. 

You take my heart in your heart.

Molluscophobia - My Hell

I am afraid of slugs and snails... Full Stop. 


I hate the way they move, the way they look, the way they leave a "snail trail" behind when they slime their way across my path, I hate the way they eat my plants. They are gross. Capital G. GROSS. They make me shiver, they make me nauseous. I wish they did not exist, what is their purpose?


It turns out, through reading and research that they form part of the food chain, they eat poop and are then eaten by other animals. They are essentially food. I am sure the world can do without these creatures. Frick! I dislike them. However I understand the delicate ecological balance and that by removing said slug it would cause a devastating ripple effect in the food chain. Grin and bear it they say. 


Paul suggested I leave a bottle of beer in my garden. Drunken snails. Now there's an idea. But what good would it do to kill them. At what rate do these things multiply and why are they in my bedroom? I have come to an understanding that the world needs them, I dislike them, but I have to tolerate them. I have had a few instances where they have been on me, turning me into the screeching, screaming, leaping 25 year old girl that I am. Drama.

Below is the perfect example of why slugs are evil.

American McGee's Alice in Wonderland - being attacked by a GIANT SNAIL!

150 Movie Lines & Catch-Phrases

This is an awesome edit Paul and I saw online. I cannot take credit for it in the slightest and am simply sharing the awesomeness. It will make you smile, it will make you happy, it will make you reminisce, it will make you remember how much you love the movies. 


Enjoy!

Circus

I have fallen in love with a series on TV called Circus (airing in South Africa on Discovery World). It gives a remarkable in depth view of life in and around the big tent, from riggers to performers. Daily life and strife. It is so beautifully filmed and edited, I feel inspired and enthralled every time I watch it. I am taken in. I have never identified with the circus, I actually dislike the thought of them, especially the ones that employ the use of animals such as elephants and tigers. This show opened my eyes. They showed what a family they are, what it takes to live in world and they invited us to watch. I am sad it was limited to a six part documentary series, but glad to have seen it. 


Enjoy the clips below. Hope you have seen it too!

This is the featurette by PBS for Circus;

This is the music / main theme from Circus by The Features - "Whatever Gets You By / Drawing Board"

My Sister's 21st Birthday Video

This is a video I edited for my sister's 21st birthday. I used photographs and home movies to create a story and montage set to music. If you keen for the same for your event, drop me a mail. Enjoy!

"Too Sorrowful to Weep"

This may just be the most raw entry to date. I am home on a Saturday night, once again. I have a loving boyfriend, I have a loving family and a fun group of friends whom I see regularly yet I am in the deepest, darkest, no words to describe of depressions. I cry everyday, contemplate suicide, research methods of said suicide and fight with everyone. I feel alone, I feel lonely, I feel disconnected and empty yet I am surrounded by love and light. It is hard to see the light when you have been in the dark for so long. It could be a simple hormonal imbalance, who knows. But tonight was the breaking point and my parents were phoning doctors to have me committed. What a frightening thought. A night in the hospital for a mental and emotional meltdown. It has been a long time coming though. I can't remember the last time I was happy for an extended period of time. It always seems too hard. I never stick to an eating plan, I never stick to an exercise regime, I used to drink too much, stay out too late, fight too much and judge too much. I am unhappy. I think admitting it to myself has to be the first step. It has come between my relationship with my boyfriend and my relationship with my parents, even my friends. 


I look at myself in photographs and do not identify or connect with the person (myself) in it. I sometimes even feel jealous of the girl on the arm of my boyfriend. 'I want to be her', I think. Insane huh? I don't feel an urge to connect with anyone, make an effort with anyone. I have lost my drive. Yet when it comes to my career and work, people would never think this, as in the professional work environment I am highly driven, passionate and proud. Sometimes too self-sacrificing. I don't have a balance. What is life without balance but then a constant battle of uphills and downhills. 


I am thankful, grateful and relieved for the inevitable confrontation that will lead to my healing. I am ready to leave the past behind and move from the darkness into the light. I hope that no one go through such ordeals. I know life is not such a bully as I make it out to be, but when it is bad, it is really really bad. I am looking forward to the good. For what else can I do. 


Let me share a poem... It is dark, but I connected with it in the past;

"When you have tidied all things for the night,

And while your thoughts are fading to their sleep,

You'll pause a moment in the late firelight,

Too sorrowful to weep.

The large and gentle furniture has stood

In sympathetic silence all the day

With that old kindness of domestic wood;

Nevertheless the haunted room will say:

'Someone must be away.'

The little dog rolls over half awake,

Stretches his paws, yawns, looking up at you,

Wags his tail very slightly for your sake,

That you may feel he is unhappy too.

A distant engine whistles, or the floor

Creaks, or the wandering night-wind bangs a door

Silence is scattered like a broken glass.

The minutes prick their ears and run about,

Then one by one subside again and pass

Sedately in, monotonously out.

You bend your head and wipe away a tear.

Solitude walks one heavy step more near..."

- Solitude by Harold Monro