Farewell My Heart...

On Monday evening at 18h15 I put my 15 year old Staffie cross, Sabrina, to sleep. She was my heart. I have had her since I was 11 years old. She came to us from a family that could not give her the love she craved and so deserved. She was a light, she was a joy. My little baby always had a glint in her eye, she was mischievous, fun loving, warm hearted, intuitive and full of love. She would snuggle you when you were sad and lie on you when she needed attention.


She had had a hip problem since she was a puppy. My family could not afford to give her the op that she needed, we gave her the love. We gave her the meds when her arthritis came in older age, we gave her meds when her spine started to deteriorate. Love and care was never a question. It is what she gave us. Throughout my time with her, all I worried about was my life without her. I ached at the thought of my world without her. I cried many nights. As she got older, I got sadder. Towards the end she needed help to go outside. She could't walk and would cry for attention. Eating was tedious. We were only postponing the inevitable. We had had the arguments that her head and heart were fine, but her body was giving in.


I miss her. I hear her breathing, I hear her collar. I have not properly cried over the loss. I am still in shock. The stages of grief and loss, I guess. 


In the end her body had atrophied to such a point that the vet, our family friend, Stan could not find a usable vein in her leg in which to inject the sedative and consequent anesthetic overdose.. I had to hold up her head to help with the circulation. I held her as she was falling asleep. I held her as she death rattled, as she died. I kissed her goodbye. 


My baby is resting, no more pain. Somewhere to run, somewhere she can breathe. I have yet to collect her ashes. She will be with me forever. 

I love you Sabrina. 

You take my heart in your heart.