Alive and Well

My dream came true 2 weeks ago when Rise Against finally played on South African shores. I was not as excited as I thought I would have been in the weeks following up, then again, I tend to play things down nowadays. I played all their albums on repeat for two weeks before to get psyched and re-acquainted with my old faves (not that I needed much playtime - I know those songs backwards, just saying). The Saturday of Ramfest arrived and it was raining. Of course it was. One cannot experience pure delight without a little rain in your eyeball. I had some family missions to complete before I headed off to Ramfest to join my friends in the drinking arena. Now I was excited. The bands and acts before Rise Against were a blur. Bring Me The Horizon, which I was as excited to see, were shit, as far as I was concerned. A few songs and they were off. 
Now the anticipation began as Rise Against's crew set up. Then Tim came on, I cried. This was actually happening. My dream was being fulfilled. My friend Ali stared at me as if I was mental. I like them okay? I sang along until my lungs and throat gave out. All I had ever wanted was to hear "Alive and Well" live. I was under the impression that they no longer sang songs from their older albums, well I was wrong. I don't think I have ever screamed or sang a song so loud in my life. I truly felt "Alive and Well". The band represents everything that a punk band should be; positive, fast, confident, humble and political. I have grown up with their music and it has defined my teenage years. Whenever something went wrong or I needed and explanation, I sought solace in the words and chords of Tim McIlrath and co. 


To this day I still can't believe that I saw them. What gives me great comfort is that the band does not take what it does for granted and they understand the impact they have on people's lives through music. I will forever hold them and this experience in my heart. 

Everchanging

"In the face

Of change

That's when she turned to me and said

"I'm not sure anymore"..."

Around the end of November last year I ended an incredibly tumultuous relationship. I have written about this break up before but it only seems to be sinking in now.  

"Have you ever been a part of something

That you thought would never end?

And then, of course it did

Have you ever felt the weight inside you

Pulling away inside your skin?

And then something had to give..."

Even though I ended it, for reasons that remain unchanged, I still miss him.When you start a relationship you honestly think that it will never end. That's the point right? We did fight from the beginning and we gave it a good two and a bit years of blood, sweat and tears. 

"Now the lines are drawn

Is this feeling gone?

The best parts of this have come and gone

And now that is all this is

With the reasons clear

We'll spend another year

Without direction, full of fear

And now things will be different

There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I

Always something in this everchanging life

And there probably always will

Now that time is getting harder to come by,

The same arguments are always on our mind

{We've} killed this slowly fading light..."

The feeling will never be gone. I will never stop loving him and I will never love someone the way I loved him. He was my first love. My first relationship. He claimed my heart first. I will love differently one day, but I will never love as intensely. I believe that to love as intensely as we did was one of the reasons why we failed. Two flames create a hyper-fire. The energy created cannot be contained. I need to be with someone who balances me out, in essence the water to my fire. I have taken a year off to find me again. To reassess my priorities in life. The relationship stripped me of my identity. It did what a relationship is not meant to do. I lost me along the way. I became introverted, angry and overweight. Everything I had fought so hard to change over the years. When the relationship started I was healthy, bubbly and fun. I will never blame him for what happened, we are both to blame. We literally brought out the worst in each other. I can tell you now that I have never been more scared in my life. I have to re-learn who I am. I have to learn to be alone and to be comfortable with me again. 

"Now let's say that something (hey) 

Has kept me here too long 

And you can't leave me (hey) 

If I'm already gone

And we make the same mistakes

We're always hanging on

Break the promises we're always leaning on

All this time spent waking up

{Now I} keep this line open to get this call from you

{As you} speak the words that keep me coming back to you..."

The four or five months that it has been seems to make it more final. The initial break up isn't as bad as you are in shock, but now the reality of it sets in. I can't make the same mistakes again. I respect myself, I respect him. We do always break the promises. If only he would give up on trying to contact me. It is only hurting him, and me. I do love you, but I cannot be in love with you. I can't come back to you. 

"Now this time it's all different..."

- Rise Against, Everchanging. 

Ramfest - Anticipation Stations

I am getting quite excited for Ramfest which is being held next weekend at Riversands Farm in Fourways. 

There is one reason for that excitement. Rise Against. If you have been following my blog you will see that I have a bit of an obsession with them that dates back to biblical times. I reference them countless times. They have been the band that I go to when I am having a hard time coping emotionally and the band that gives me the extra lift when I need some positivity. I have been listening to them since I was 14 years old, that's come 13 years. To say that I adore them is an understatement and I think I am going to pull a swooning Michael Jackson fan when they come out. I kid you not. I get goosebumps every time I listen to them. My dream has literally come true and I think I am still in shock that they are playing in 9 days time. 

Bring Me The Horizon is also playing a set just before Rise Against. This is huge. My sister and I have been huge fans for a long time. We had a discussion regarding who would be in our perfect festival line-up. In the metal act BMTH was the band. Our dream line-up is happening. I cannot wait. It is going to be epic! 

I'm going to lather my pale skin with sunblock, take me some liver pills and wear some sensible shoes as I do not want anything to ruin this experience for me. It is going to be amazing, from beginning to end. 

Lyric of the Day

"The reception fades, the signals breaking up.

And am I moving on or am I giving up?

If you walk away from this with anything,

Live your life today..."

- Reception Fades by Rise Against

A Few of my Favourites... at the moment

I love these music videos. They are awesomely creative, some are simple to produce and others combine it all and have an inspiring message. Watching these inspires me and makes me want to do better work.

Van Coke Kartel - Voor ons Stof Word

30 Seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie

Rise Against - Ready to Fall

Pierce The Veil - Chemical Kids and Mechanical Bride

Fall Out Boy - America's Suitehearts

Lyric of the Day

"We live, in fear, of our own potential,

to win, to lose, it's all on our hands now..."

- Black Masks and Gasoline by Rise Against

Lyric of the Day

Of course I am obsessed with The Killing Tree. This is the band formed by Tim McIlrath from Rise Against. They are so very different to Rise Against, but oh so very good. I ordered the CD from Neil (thanks bud!) and am so glad I did. Around and around it spins in my car. I do tend to kill things (oh dear) when I like them, people not included. heehee. So naturally my lyric choice/s this week have come from the lyrical stylings of Mr McIlrath. This band is oh so very emo compared with Rise Against. Alas, I think I love anything old Tim has an influence on, or over or whatever. So yes, here it is.

"Go your own way,

Go your own way,

(the city grieves in unison)

Go your own way..."

- Mascara by The Killing Tree

Lyric of the Day - 25 October

I know never to depend on anyone but yourself. I know friends and those that you care for will let you down. But they are my friends, long term, short term. I don't care. I have learned to accept them and their flaws. I am not perfect and cannot expect perfection from them. I have asked for mutual effort, respect and consideration and sometimes do not receive such things. But the good times with them always outweighs the bad times. I love them and will continue to give of myself.

I also know that my happiness in life is not based on friendships and my relationships alone. It is also based on my relationship with myself and the world I live in (i.e. Earth) and how I treat it.
So I chose a line from one of my favourite films "Into The Wild"...

Christopher McCandless: "I will miss you too, but you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things."

"Have no friends not equal to yourself."
- Confucious (551 - 497 BC) Chinese philosopher.

My lyric of the day is from who else but Rise Against...

"I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go"- Swing Life Away by Rise Against

Lyric of the Day - 24 October

I have made a choice to be more truthful... to myself. This is not the first time I have made this choice this year, and I doubt it will be the last. But I am going to continue aiming to live my authentic life and do things that will only have a positive outcome for myself and those around me. I am prioritising and streamlining (my new buzz word). I am slowly eradicating all the things in my life that do not bring me happiness. Things that waste my time and do not allow me to focus on the important things in life. Okay, so I started by turning down an invitation out to a club that I feel I have experienced enough and I have taken enough out of. Basically, I'm over it! And then (drumroll!!) I "deactivated" my Facebook account. I think this is the biggest step I have taken so far in reclaiming my life. It is a serious time waster where one gets consumed in other peoples lives and you worry about what people think about you. It is not healthy. I say it is a big step as I was a serious Facebooker. I would comment and wall post and post pictures. My event guide / weekend plans were all based in and around what was on Facebook. I don't know how long this will last, but they say the longer you go without something the easier it gets. I was addicted to what people thought about me and how I was portrayed. Enough. Time to move on and get a real life. So I have taken words of wisdom from my favourite band... Rise Against. They got me through this weekend. On full blast, singing along in my car.

"Simply because you can breathe,

doesn't mean you're alive,

or that you really live.

this life has taken it's toll

and she just doesn't know,

how much more she can give..."

- Black Masks and Gasoline by Rise Against

Facebook Addiction Cake - Too awesome for words!

Lyric of the Day

To continue my theme of moaning and whining about how I feel that I am under-appreciated as a friend, I picked these lyrics today. Rather they stood out for me and here I share them with you. It is enough from me. I am no longer going to be a Moaning Minnie. How negative. Rather, I will take the lesson from this, whatever it is and MOVE on...

"I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug"

- Audience of One by Rise Against

Lyrics of the Day

I just love this band (and yes I know I quote them a lot, but hey! They are the best!!)

"Simply because you can breathe,

doesn't mean you're alive,

or that you really live..."

- Black Masks and Gasoline

"The heart is something you can't control

We either choose to follow or be left on our own"

- Voices off Camera

"We've all been sorry, (who we are) we've all been hurt

But how we survive, (who we are) is what makes us who we are..."

- Survive

"now's the time

to rearrange your life

live for something

outside of your own mind

we all dream

the same dream every night

to burn the world that you call civilized

alive and well

i live to be alive

and i live to always strive

for something more

alive and well..."

- Alive and Well

"We can't spend our lives waiting to live..."

- The Dirt Whispered

Lyric/s of the Day

I chose my first lyric as it reflects on countless conversations I have had with my friends. A conversation that seems to go in circles, I know the answers to the questions I keep on bringing up. I know what I have to do. I just need to muster the strength and do it. My friends know what I am talking about! haha. Once again it is Rise Against. I rummaged through my CD drawer last night and dusted off all the old punk albums I grew up to and loved. And one of them was a legend compilation called family business. And one of the tracks, Rise Against - Six Ways 'Til Sunday. The song came on and it reminded me of my sister, I had dedicated it to her once. The verse then came on that is of relevance to me, today.
Here is my snippet...

"You're claiming to be something different

so wanting to believe

that you're better than the rest

to make up for your self-esteem

you talk to hear your own voice and

you've left me no choice but to choose

I miss the person that you were

but I don't miss you.."

- Six Ways 'Til Sunday by Rise Against

My second lyric is chosen because I have reached the point where...

"I declare I don't care no more

I'm burning up and out and growing bored...

I'm not growing up

I'm just burning out

And I stepped in line

to walk amongst the dead"

- Burn Out by Green Day

I felt like a pre-packaged robot, machine thing today. I am glad I have new things for me waiting in the wings. This is not my career, it is my job.

Lyric of the Day

Okay so I love Rise Against. No harm in that right? Their lyrics are positive and meaningful. These lyrics happen to be one of my life mottos, you know, those words you live by. So I share them with you. Take it, leave it.

"...alive and well,

I live to be alive,

and I live to always strive,

for something more..."

- Alive and Well by Rise Against

Lyric of the Day

Ever since I was 15 years old I have had a love affair with one band, and one band only. This is the only band that has seemed to stick with me and my ever-changing (see what I did there) music tastes. I am talking about the incomparable Rise Against. I just love love love 'em. I even had a dream about them (no, not that kinda dream, GOSH!!) the other night. It was awesome. So today I was spinning a little Rise Against, as I was having a pretty crappy day. And this song was the one...

"Life for you, (who we are) has been less than kind

So take a number, (who we are) stand in line

We've all been sorry, (who we are) we've all been hurt

But how we survive, (who we are) is what makes us who we are..."

- 'Survive' by Rise Against

Lyric of the Day

"Wings won't take me

Heights don't phase me

So take a step

But don't look down, take a step"

-Ready to Fall by Rise Against