You Stupid Boy

You stupid boy. 

I didn't want things to have to end this way, however sometimes we are forced to take actions to protect ourselves. Please don't think there aren't days that my heart doesn't wrench with aching sadness at the thought of how much I miss you, sometimes. Then there are days when I am alright and I don't seem to miss you at all. You never gave me a chance to mourn you, miss you, or miss us... not with you persistently contacting me. 

This has to stop. This is abuse. It is not good for either of us. Our relationship was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. We did and said things to each other that I am so ashamed to think about. It is not who I am, and I will not allow it to define me. I had to break free of this abusive cycle. Three months into our relationship and I already knew that you were the wrong person for me, but that did not mean that I didn't love you. I broke up with you more time than I can count, that every time lost it's effect and power. We fought so often, in fact we fought more often than not. We ran down suburban streets, we screamed in bed, we fought on holidays, we punched walls, trees, each other, we broke ankles and fists. We broke each other. In the end I broke your heart and I did not mean to, please understand that my heart is just as broken. The worst however are the mental breakdowns that I suffered and the patterns that I learned being with you that I have to break. This is where I will grow and learn and go from strength to strength, finding me again.

I stayed with you for nearly 3 broken years. I am slowly piecing back together who I am. Everyday that you send me a message or call me makes it harder for us to move on. The only answer I have for you is this: We don't work. The love was never a question but when you question my every move I have to pull away. 

There is nothing in this world that I can wish you more than absolute happiness and fulfilment in life. I cannot give this to you, I cannot complete you, it was too daunting for me to be that for you.  

I hope one day that you will understand. You will always be my friend.