Take It or Leave It

The day after yesterday. The aftermath of it all. We came to a resolution. We came to a conclusion. We need mediation. I am tired. I am so tired. Fighting is so senseless, yet most of the world is brandishing arms against one enemy or another. We are constantly at war, in the home, on our home grounds. I am not about to get pseudo-political here. It is simply a comparison. If we cannot even get along in love, how can humans be expected to get along anywhere else. 


I look to another woman to was just as mad, sad and filled with sentences as me... Sylvia Plath. I won't be sticking my head in an oven any time soon. My road has a little more light at the end of it. 


But I leave you with some prose for thought from her. She wrote so magically. I ache when I read her. She gets it. She gets it.


This is how I felt this morning;

"I couldn’t see the point of getting up. I had nothing to look forward to." 

- Sylvia Plath

This is how I feel by the end of this long day;

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences." 

- Sylvia Plath

This Fork In The Road

"...Keeping our wits about us

our fists are powerless

leaving nothing behind us

it seems we're just not that important

maybe in our minds

but a healthy mind is hard to find...

everyone is leaving with cuts on their hands

and scars on their arms

and dreams on their stereos

in sleep-deprived plans

we burn bushes at this

fork in the road..."

 - Fork in the Road by aKing

Today marks one of the darkest days, most ridiculous arguments and most senseless violent upheavals.

I am not sorry for being social, I am not sorry for being chatty, I am not sorry about forgetting someone insignificant, I am not sorry for refusing to admit guilt to a lie that I do not own. I am not sorry for feeling the way I do today, I am not sorry for what I said to you.

I am sorry for how I hurt you, with my hands. 

I am sorry for you. I wish you could see that I would never be deceitful nor secretive. I am not malicious nor cunning. I am sorry for you that you choose to adopt a possessive, jealous and obsessive mentality. It is very hard to love you when you are always like this. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you and I have changed almost every aspect of my life to ensure that it fits in with your behaviour. 

I am sorry for myself. I am constantly the target of wrongful accusations, and am always being told that I am lying. I live an honest life. My life is constantly coloured in by you. You try to fill in all the details, but with the wrong colours. 

I am sorry for you, I am sorry for me. 

We have beaten each other up. Emotionally, mentally and physically. 

We are now at this proverbial fork in the road.

I have reached it, I really don't know which way to turn. Do I turn to more medication, as you always tell me that I am mentally unstable, or do I go darker and reach for the entire bottle.

I ask you this as I am not the only one, who down a path in life is forced to change. When one can't see the fault in themselves it is inevitably there.

I am sorry, but I am not sorry for being me.

Take It or Leave It

"The one important thing

 I have learned over the years

 is the difference between

taking one's work seriously

 and taking one's self seriously. 

The first is imperative and 

the second is disastrous..."

- Margot Fonteyn -  Prima Ballerina Assoluta

I adore Ballet. I do not dance it. Although I was enrolled in classes from the age of 4 like most young girls. My mother was a ballerina and even taught up until the 8th month of her pregnancy with me. Her love of dance and ballet rubbed off on me. I did not carry doing it but my love and admiration for it did not go. I recall as a little girl paging through the many ballet and dance books we have. Learning about the origins of dance and being dazzled by the look of the dancer on pointe, and the magical costumes. Over the years I have accompanied my mom to many ballet productions and seen some of the best dancers from around the world. The dedication, poise and tenacity of each dancer is highly admirable. I personally feel  that dancing is far harder than singing. The struggles that the body has to go through and thus the mind overcome is overwhelming. There is the dark side of ballet, like modelling where the dancers harshly monitor their food intake, to be the lightest, slimmest dancer out there. I however just like to watch them... Fouetté en tournant, grand jeté and entrechat-quatre.