Mad Virginia

I watched The Hours the other day. It was just the right remedy of elegantly woven language, perfect acting, unparalleled lighting and well thought out sets. 


I knew that Virginia Woolf suffered from depression and ultimately committed suicide but had no idea to what extent she suffered. I did some reading and found out that she suffered from Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression). This would cause her to have terrible moods and rages, followed by very dark episodes of depression. 
I identified with the character portrayed by Nicole Kidman in The Hours. The words she said resonated with me and I understand being in such a dark place as I have been there before. When you feel that no one quite understands what you are going through and the rollercoaster of emotions leaves you feeling fatigued, confused, enraged and as she put it crazy. She was in and out of asylums with no cure. She was attended to by physicians with no answer other than that she was mentally unstable. I read in an article online which stated that; 

"Virginia's need to write was, among other things, 

to make sense out of mental chaos and gain control of madness. 

Through her novels she made her inner world less frightening. 

Writing was often agony but it provided the 'strongest pleasure' she knew."

 - "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell: 

Manic Depression and the Life of Virginia Woolf"

 by Peter Dally (1999).

I too can identify with this sentiment as at times I find myself writing, something inside of me needs to be said, a vent in a way. As my mother says, it is cathartic. I suppose it is. Seeing the words glide across the screen gives me a sense of fulfillment and upliftment. Knowing that I am saying something I feel, being honest, living authentically. Words are my air.

I leave you with some words to ponder over, some penned by her and others from the film. I was moved by them equally.  

As quoted by her:

“The beauty of the world...has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.” 

&

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” 

From the film:

Virginia Woolf: I'm dying in this town. 

Leonard Woolf: If you were thinking clearly, Virginia, you would recall it was London that brought you low. 

Virginia Woolf: If I were thinking clearly? If I were thinking clearly? 

Leonard Woolf: We brought you to Richmond to give you peace. 

Virginia Woolf: If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too.  

Virginia Woolf: This is my right; it is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the Capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness. 

[pause] 

Virginia Woolf: But if it is a choice between Richmond and death, I choose death. 

Virginia Woolf: You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.