A Minor at Heart

Life Through a Lens - My Portfolio

2012-01-26T12:02:00.000+02:00

This is a video combining my sister's 21st, my parent's 25th Wedding Anniversary and an interview I did of my aunt just before she passed away. This is what I am currently working on and getting into. Enjoy!

Mad Virginia

2012-01-05T10:55:00.002+02:00

I watched The Hours the other day. It was just the right remedy of elegantly woven language, perfect acting, unparalleled lighting and well thought out sets.

I knew that Virginia Woolf suffered from depression and ultimately committed suicide but had no idea to what extent she suffered. I did some reading and found out that she suffered from Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression). This would cause her to have terrible moods and rages, followed by very dark episodes of depression.
I identified with the character portrayed by Nicole Kidman in The Hours. The words she said resonated with me and I understand being in such a dark place as I have been there before. When you feel that no one quite understands what you are going through and the rollercoaster of emotions leaves you feeling fatigued, confused, enraged and as she put it crazy. She was in and out of asylums with no cure. She was attended to by physicians with no answer other than that she was mentally unstable. I read in an article online which stated that;

"Virginia's need to write was, among other things,

to make sense out of mental chaos and gain control of madness.

Through her novels she made her inner world less frightening.

Writing was often agony but it provided the 'strongest pleasure' she knew."

- "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell:

Manic Depression and the Life of Virginia Woolf"

by Peter Dally (1999).

I too can identify with this sentiment as at times I find myself writing, something inside of me needs to be said, a vent in a way. As my mother says, it is cathartic. I suppose it is. Seeing the words glide across the screen gives me a sense of fulfillment and upliftment. Knowing that I am saying something I feel, being honest, living authentically. Words are my air.

I leave you with some words to ponder over, some penned by her and others from the film. I was moved by them equally.

As quoted by her:

“The beauty of the world...has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.”

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”

From the film:

Virginia Woolf: I'm dying in this town.

Leonard Woolf: If you were thinking clearly, Virginia, you would recall it was London that brought you low.

Virginia Woolf: If I were thinking clearly? If I were thinking clearly?

Leonard Woolf: We brought you to Richmond to give you peace.

Virginia Woolf: If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too.

Virginia Woolf: This is my right; it is the right of every human being. I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the Capital, that is my choice. The meanest patient, yes, even the very lowest is allowed some say in the matter of her own prescription. Thereby she defines her humanity. I wish, for your sake, Leonard, I could be happy in this quietness.

[pause]

Virginia Woolf: But if it is a choice between Richmond and death, I choose death.

Virginia Woolf: You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.

Silver Lining

2012-01-05T10:34:00.000+02:00

On the 23rd of November (2011) my parents celebrated their silver wedding anniversary, which is 25 years kids! My gift to them was a video montage made up of video and photos from when they met to now. All set to cheesy 80's George Benson and Rod Stewart, their choice of course. They loved the way it came out. I hope you enjoy watching it too!

Lyric of the Day

2011-12-08T10:55:00.001+02:00

All I can say is that I am looking forward to this year coming to an end. It has been a long, stress-filled, weepy, tiresome, learning curve filled with good things coming to an end, the loss of loved ones, drama and financial strain.
I am exhausted and looking forward to some rest.

Auf Wiedersehen 2011, roll on 2012. No one likes odd numbers anyways.

"...I don't know but I've been told that good things come with time...

Let's go!"

- Road Rash by The Mad Caddies

Cancer You Fuck...

2011-12-07T14:39:00.001+02:00

Just on two hours ago my great Aunt Marion or Mac, as she was known, passed away from Stage 4 cancer. She had lung, adrenal and bone cancer. Being a smoker from the age of 12, at 60 a day will do that to you.

The only symptoms that I can think of that she displayed was weight loss. When we all went away at the end of June, she seemed fine if not a little tired, but we put it down to her age.

She was admitted to hospital two months ago with a tummy bug, as she was not taking in any liquids. Her condition worsened and she landed up in ICU, we all went to visit her and made light of how she had landed up in hospital. After a week or so she was released and then soon after was back again. This time full tests were done and it was revealed that she had cancerous cells in her lungs. Not a shock to us, as she was a heavy smoker, what was a shock was the extent to which the cancer had spread. When I think back now, to all the places she pointed on her body complaining of pain, it makes sense. She was feeling the cancer ache in her bones. FUCK! She was lobbied between oncologists and no decision could be made on treatment. The argument was, would it prolong or shorten, hinder or help her health. The truth is... with how far the cancer had spread, her age and her physical strength it would not have made any difference, in fact, it may have made her feel worse. I know this from when my father had cancer in 2003. He too had stage 4 colon cancer, but it was located in such a way that they could remove the tumours. This was not the case for Mac.

So she moved back to her flat and got on with life. Just over a month ago I interviewed her for my project on her life story and legacy. Her life was filled with the most incredible stories, people, places and pets. She led a truly full and fulfilling life! She got tired and we never finished filming. It will have to remain unfinished...

Over the weeks she weakened and became clumsy. The decision was made to move her to my uncle two doors down from our house, into the cottage, where she could have round the clock care, and my father and uncle could see her daily. Her bed, her dressing table and her clothes were moved for her. She had all her comforts. All she did was lie on her bed aided by oxygen. She chose not to read, watch television... all she did was sleep, ponder and smoke. She was occasionally visited by family and friends, but got tired out easily. Her pain was increasing and regular pain-killers were not working. She had organised a joint from her friend, and the one day when I went to see her, we were discussing her pain and she asked if I could get her more. I said I could try. Being a non-smoker myself, it would not be a problem getting, it was just getting it past my mom ("the legality" she says). So my friend's dad, a family friend went to visit her and brought her some.

On Monday she was moved into the hospice. It seems that she had become overcome with pain and she asked to be moved. It is a bold, and great person who accepts their life and the inevitable. That is one thing about Mac, she was always very headstrong. She liked things to go her way.

Yesterday morning, Tuesday the 6th, my dad called me and told me to come over and see her. I knew immediately that it would be in a sense a goodbye. It is eery to walk into a place that has seen the deaths of thousands of people and that is essentially an end-of-life care facility. The nurses that work there are true angels and what they do is incomparable. My respect for them is endless. They have seen so much. Individuals go to hospice to die with dignity. The process is quite simple, it is basically a slow euthanasia. The nurses, with advise from the doctors, administer small doses of morphine, sleeping aides, pain killers and other drugs so that one is kept sedated, semi lucid but pain free. The individual is able to slip from this world easily and painlessly. Seems right to me, I mean the patients there have been through enough already. In the room next to my aunt was a 10 year old girl... For fucks sake, she is 10. Life is too cruel sometimes!

So today began with me running to my dad and asking him if he had heard anything, to which he replied that he had not. I was supposed to go through and see her. But seeing as I had seen her the evening before, my dad said that I had said my goodbyes. So I came to work, went to a meeting and when I got back into the office was told that my dad had been trying to get hold of me... my heart sank. I just knew. When I looked at my phone and saw 4 missed calls then I knew for sure. Of course when that happens and you call them back, no on answers. My dad finally got hold of me and told me she was found at around 12h30.

Finally Mac is resting. No more pain. She can smoke all the cigarettes, weed and drink all the G&T's she wants! She is now with all her beloved pets, Precious, Timothy and cats.

Say hi to Granny Thelma, Grampa Issy and Granny Ann will ya! Miss you, Love you!

Marion Gay Feinberg b. 1936 d. 7 December 2011

Ending the Week with a Sweet

2011-11-18T14:19:00.001+02:00

It's always nice to end a long, arduous week with a few sweet images of tiny creatures. I hope you enjoy ooohing and aaahing as much as I did. I especially love the one of the little bunny in the teacup... precious!

Losing

2011-11-15T10:13:00.001+02:00

I am quite proud of myself, and this is a rare statement and occurrence. I have reached, maintained and exceeded the 5kg goal with Weight Watchers. In the program they set out goals for you to achieve i.e. 5kg, 10% body weight, 10kg etc. I have reached the first marker. I have done so slowly and consistently. I am 5.2kg down! Woohoo. It may not be much in the grand scheme of my total weight loss goal but it is something. It makes my 30kg goal that much smaller. It makes it 25kg to go. I seriously don't know how I weigh less each week when on some days no food is safe! Nom, nom, nom. I do try and make the right choices, i.e. when I reach for the packet of chips I will either weigh out a portion or eat only a handful, thus my craving is satiated.

I must say, I have become a far more focused and dedicated woman in the last few years. I never used to stick to an eating plan. It used to be like an ongoing joke. My excessive weight led to Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome when I was 16 which gave me Type II Diabetes. For the last 10 years I have been on glucose tablets to manage my insulin resistance, paired with the pill to take care of the hormonal imbalances. I am happy to report, that all cysts on my ovaries have diminished and chances of me having a child are good. I worry each and every day about becoming a full blown diabetic, as my endocrinologist warned me that 25 years old was my cut off, and if I was not free from insulin resistance by then I would become diabetic. Well, my levels are managed and my weight is coming off. I will not be trapped by food like the Half Ton Man. I always think that a gastric bypass would be such an easy way to do things, however the easy way out is not always the right way out. I guess being a little more hungry, a little more stiff in your muscles, a little more disciplined, a little more hard on yourself, a little smarter with your food choices, a little more strict when it comes to having a drink... or seven. All these littles add up.

So, I soldier on. On the bright side. With Weight Watchers I can eat anything I please, within moderation of course. Which is the beauty of the eating plan I think, there are no restrictions, thus no cravings and no feeling of want or guilt. I am in no way punting the diet, I am simply saying it works for me. Listen, i have done it all. The only things that works is moderation. I know I will never be a skinny bitch, but I have been a fat bitch for long enough, so it is time to become the healthy bitch!

"Barbie is such a bitch"

The Kings Named Leon

2011-11-14T15:45:00.001+02:00

About two weekends ago the much anticipated Kings of Leon concert came and went. Having been a fan for some 8 years now I was very keen to see them live. Paul of course felt the same way. Our expectations were reserved as we understood who these gents were, and knew that they were not about to deliver an energetic, blow-your-face-off, "we-are-the-shit" live performance. They have gained massive notoriety over the last four years what with "Sex on Fire", "Use Somebody", and "Radioactive". They were famous, plain and simple. I remember thinking, years ago, if they were to become famous I would be really bleak. They are too cool for everyone else. It sounds cocky and possessive, but I love them that much. Lo and behold the family band make it big. The albums get worse and albums sales go up.

I read on Bangers and Nash about his experience in Cape Town and he confirmed all my worst fears. The crowd was filled with drunken, lumo-outfitted, last two album owning, 5fm / chart topper listening JOCKS! As it is written, as it was in Joburg. Paul and I were so bleak. The concert was ruined for us by a bunch of Bacardi-Breezer drinking, Sex on Fire sing-along chicks and dicks in dress up.

I am sorry. But what about the Kings of Leon provokes one to don lumo, tiaras, devil horns, and other such head attire that either glows, flashes or has glitter on it. They are a Nashville country rock blues band. For fucks sake!

However, they were INCREDIBLE!
The best live band I have ever seen. They were on key, they were professional. They were on time. They were well rehearsed. They were sober. They were polite. They may not have spoken much, but having spoken to other people regarding their live performances, that is how they roll. I am sad there is tension in the group. They are pure and unadulterated wonderful rock and roll. I sang my heart out and cried when they sang "The Bucket". I am sad they did not sing "Milk", but all in all they were pure perfection.

The event organisers were also super professional and all our transfers to and from Soccer City were flawless!

I did state, and I maintain that I will never be going to another radio sponsored concert (i.e. 5fm) - too many "fans".

Peace!

Take It or Leave It

2011-11-04T12:39:00.000+02:00

"I'msorry but I don't want to be an Emperor, that's not my business. I don't wantto rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew,gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings arelike that. We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other'smisery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there isroom for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The wayof life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.

Greed haspoisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate;

hasgoose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We havedeveloped speed but we have shut ourselves in:

machinerythat gives abundance has left us in want.

Ourknowledge has made us cynical,

ourcleverness hard and unkind.

We thinktoo much and feel too little:

More thanmachinery we need humanity;

More thancleverness we need kindness and gentleness.

Withoutthese qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

Theaeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature ofthese inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universalbrotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millionsthroughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children,victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. Tothose who can hear me I say "Do not despair".

Themisery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of menwho fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators dieand the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so longas men die [now] liberty will never perish...

Soldiers:don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, whoregiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, whodrill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don'tgive yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds andmachine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You havethe love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate, only the unloved hate.Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don't fight for slavery, fightfor liberty.

In theseventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written:

"Thekingdom of God is within man"

Not oneman, nor a group of men, but in all men; in you, the people.

You thepeople have the power, the power to create machines, the power to createhappiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, tomake this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's usethat power, let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world thatwill give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age andsecurity. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but theylie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators freethemselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil thatpromise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, doaway with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason,a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.

Soldiers!In the name of democracy, let us all unite!"

- Final speech in The GreatDictator

It Ain't What You Do

2011-10-31T14:40:00.001+02:00

I've been having fun with my Blackberry Touch 9900. Taking pics and videos of my Little. I edited a video of her and her antics.

Enjoy!

So Sweet!

2011-10-27T15:15:00.000+02:00

She doesn't wanna...

Picnic and Puppies in the Park

2011-10-27T15:12:00.000+02:00

Saturday afternoon was spent under the trees in one of the many parks in my area. We had to escape the buzzing inferno that is the heat wave. We had bought goodies from the new Pick 'n Pay Food Studio and took our spread to the lush lawns. Puppies, ball throwers and half tennis ball in tow... we were packed. What an awesome lazy Saturday afternoon. Bliss!

What I Finished Reading

2011-10-11T17:19:00.000+02:00

So a few posts back I spoke about the fact that I had crawled into the pages of 'The Help'. Well with determination and utter engagement, I finished the book. My first in about a year. I finished in just in time for the movie release. I finished it on the Saturday night and saw the movie on the Sunday evening. What young girl is home, reading on a weekend night you may ask, well, I follow the traditions of my Jewish family and it was the breaking of the Yom Kippur fast. That meant we hosted a dinner at our house on the Saturday night. Phew. Felt I had to make up for my reading on the Saturday night thing. haha. Anywho, I loved the book, 5 million copies sold can't be wrong. Dealing with the interaction between white home owners and their maids during the 60's civil rights movement, all put in to a Mississippi pot and fueled with hairspray. Very interesting.

The movie was sweet but fluffed over a lot of the dark aspects in the book and refused to deal with the core issues. Which left me feeling unfulfilled. I also felt that the book did this in a lot of ways. She created such full, wholesome characters and story lines, and then as the book neared the end, the stories thinned out on detail and seemed to wrap up without reason. I hate it when that happens. Slap dash writing as far as I am concerned. Doesn't seem she was writing to a deadline as she approached over 60 publishers who turned her down, and it took her 5 years to write the thing. Perhaps it was a series of different editors with different editing styles. Either way, it seems thrown together towards the end. I loved it, but the ending could have had a little more power. As they say, some books are worth the read for the final paragraph. I just wish this one had been one of them. I felt like it could have gone on, but then the argument stands, when does it end.

So this is where I end. I have made my point. I enjoyed the book, the movie was well cast, well acted, the set and costume design was flawless. My only issue was the marrying of the book to the screenplay. Kathryn, I know you had a part to play, it seems you got played.

Losing

2011-10-11T16:58:00.004+02:00

So Istarted Weight Watchers about a month ago and to date (today's weigh-in) I havelost 4kgs in total. Not bad I say. Considering there have been celebrations ofnote. Including no less than 2 birthday celebrations, my mother's and my own,Jewish new year (2 dinners), a fast and the breaking thereof, this filled thehouse with left overs and other goodies. Needless to say my waistline shrunkand did not expand as I had anticipated. On the off days (the ones where I wasnot indulging in cake and pasta), I was meticulously counting points andweighing fruit and veggies. This has spurred my weight-loss spirit on and I amdetermined to hit the 10 kilo goal come December.

Favouritesnacks

Judy's cocktail gherkins (free food)
Simply Delish Jelly (free food)
Fruit (as fruit salad)
Grilled veggies
Small packet of Beigel Beigel Pretzels
Sugar free soft drinks - low cal passion fruit cordial is yum!
Soda Water (get a soda stream!)
Carob and Yoghurt covered rice cakes
Grilled chicken breasts done on the barbecue or gas braai.

Those arejust some of my favourites at the moment. What I love about the plan is itteaches moderation i.e. that you can eat whatever you like as long as youaccount for it.

Tornadoes in South Africa?

2011-10-04T10:44:00.000+02:00

This weekend two tornadoes hit Gauteng (Duduza on the East Rand) and the Free State (Ficksburg near Bloemfontein). Apparently this is not unusual for this time of year with the high winds and hot weather. It is caused by a low pressure system called mesocyclones which can cause severe storms and thus tornadoes. I thought SA would be exempt from such crazy storms, obvules not! Sites say that the tornado that hit Duduza was a F4. This means that winds reach between 333 - 418 km per hour causing "Devastating damage: Houses and other small structures can be razed entirely; automobiles are propelled through the air" - HowStuffWorks

This is a video of the tornado that hit Duduza

Lyric of the Day

2011-09-21T17:01:00.000+02:00

This is my feel-good, sing-along-at-the top-of-your-lungs, happy song of the moment. It is so happy and upbeat. I love it. this has to be shared. Enjoy and pass on the good vibes. Peace. Haha.

"...And I told my bandmates, they are my soulmates

And I hope we can understand

That this year has been a big one, yeah

We following what we don't plan

So do you got that sweet devotion

Oh will you follow your heart's plan

Oh why not jump in to that ocean

And run your fingers through your hair

Waited enough to find the truth, the pain, again then say oh well

Don't say oh well

Don't say oh well ..."

- Don't Say Oh Well by Grouplove

Vacation Envy

2011-09-16T13:32:00.001+02:00

My parents have been on a Eurotrip for about two weeks now and are due back on Saturday. They went to my cousin, Simon's, wedding in Tuscany. We were all invited alas financial constraints meant that just my folksies could go. So they extended the trip and went to Paris, France; Rome, Italy; Tuscany, Italy and London, England. I'll make it too someday.

With them being away it makes me think of when I turned 21 and my uncle gifted me with a ticket to the 2007 Monaco Grand Prix, and thus my parents gifted me with a trip to the South of France and London. A week in the South of France with my aunt, uncle and two cousins. Cannes, St Paul, St Maxime, Monte Carlo, Marseilles, Dijon, Paris, St Tropez... to name a few of the cities I went to in France. It was truly spectacular. I fell deeply in love and can readily admit to being a Francophile. Cannes was fantastic as it was the 60th Annual Film Festival, and being a video editor, and at the time a film student, for me was literally a dream come true. We saw stars on the red carpet. We were walking the famed streets of Cannes for goodness sakes! The Grand Prix was everything and more. We had spectacular seats close to the tracks whereby I could try and spot my beloved Kimi Raikkonen. I found the race hard to follow as the screens were so far away and the commentary in french, and my grasp thereof, well... non existent. However the vibe in Monte Carlo was sublime. Just to know that you are walking around the streets of a small principality ruled by a royal family where Grace Kelly was a princess. It blew my mind. The South of France is literally one of the most magnificent places in the entire world and I could easily see myself living there.

View from the train

Dijon

Marseilles

St Tropez

Cannes

Monaco Grand Prix 2007

Kimi Raikkonen Monaco Grand Prix 2007

Prize Ceremony at Monaco Grand Prix 2007

Epic sweet store in St Tropez

Yum, scallops in St Tropez

St Paul

Jess takes a drink from a fountain in outside St Paul

Alleys and streets of St Paul.

Best thing I have ever eaten.

I was then left to my own devices when my family left and I moved onto London. I was alone for all of the time. Staying with cousins and a friend, all of whom were working at the time. My first night there I had booked to see From Autumn to Ashes, they were on their final tour, they played with Drop Dead Gorgeous (a band I would love years later). I met Kayleigh at the one train station and we missioned to the Carling Theatre, bag in tow. The bands were awesome! Over the next few days I simply took the streets and explored London and it's rich history for myself. From The National Gallery to Madame Tussauds. I walked and I walked, but I guess that is what it is all about, the sightseeing when you are a tourist, and I wanted to see it all. It would have been great to have shared many of the moments with family or friends and I spent a long time on the phone to my mom or dad just chatting. Next time I vow to travel with a partner, group or my family. As I learned very quickly that I may be confident, independent and travel smart but when something awesome happens or is seen, it has to be shared. Life is for sharing.

From Autumn to Ashes - Carling Academy Islington

Virgin Mega Store - Picadilly Circus

St Margaret's Church - Westminster Abbey

Big Ben

South Africa House

The Globe Theatre

London Bridge

The Gherkin

Picadilly Circus

Madame Tussauds - Little Britain

Madame Tussauds - Oprah

Madame Tussauds - James Dean

Madame Tussauds - Dalai Lama

Madame Tussauds - Oscar Wilde

Famous beheaded faces.

Camden

Bath More

2011-09-15T18:33:00.000+02:00

I have decided to bath more. Winter may be over, but my new found love for luxurious bubble and bath salt laden baths is not. Time to chill out, get warm, unwind, read, and vegetate.

My dog is fascinated with this concept. She herself is bathed regularly (once using Toni & Guy shampoo - I ran outta the doggie stuff). It is strange that she would have such a curious mind for bathing and water considering that she is a Basset Cross, and those little legs are not made for swimming. Needless to say, on Tuesday night, during one of my bath sessions, Ella decided that she wanted to bath too. Moaning by the edge, then climbing onto the side amongst the assortment of glass containers and soaps. My sister, Cayla, thought this was hilarious and just put her in. Ella loved it. The warmth, the smell, the floating lavendar. She sat in my lap. Too cute, too funny. Much to the dismay of my parents who are currently on vacation overseas. This act was worse than a houseparty!

So I will be making time to bath more. Making time for me.

This is kinda what she looked like.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

2011-09-14T22:06:00.004+02:00

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of my little Sabrina's passing. Still the memory of her last spluttering breath haunts me, and I hate that it is the last memory I have of her, but I refuse to let it shape my memories of her.

I have posted a few times about her. She was such a warm, beautiful character. Anyone who ever owned a staffie was well aware of their human-like facial expressions. I swear she smiled at me, and there were times when I could tell she was crying. This may be me humanising her, but I'll take it, crazy label and all.

I cannot believe it has been 6 months since she has been around. Her last days were certainly not active ones, yet her spirit filled the house. Her ashes lie in a small wooden box next to my bed. I have placed a very small brown buddha on it and a small golden luck cat next to that. My good energy knick-knacks to keep her safe. Both gifts as these items cannot be bought by you, but given to you. You cannot buy luck, karma etc, it must be transferred from one person to another. This is what I have taken from this idea.

Sabrina, my heart. I hope you are kicking ass in heaven, taking names, eating lots of biscuits, chasing lots of birds, gnawing on lots of ropes and comfortable in your doggie heaven bed.

I love and miss you.

Little Erra

2011-09-07T15:12:00.000+02:00

I have posted a few times about my Basset Cross, Ella. She is my heart. She is now a hefty 18kgs and growing. She has just turned 7 months, and she is still such a puppy. She sleeps in my bed with me. She is a tunneller, making her way under and down my duvet. Later emerging for some cool air. She is such a smart, smart dog. She is obsessed with tennis balls, soup bones, ropes, plastic flower pots and her Kong (which we stuff with peanut butter and Doggie Snax). She hides her toys under the couches, and then sticks her head underneath to moan, whine and bark at her lost items. She is also completely smitten with Caesar our Alsatian Cross. She bugs and bites him to no end, making him emit this high pitched whine, that drives us crazy.

On Sunday my sister and I took them for a walk along the Sandspruit River, which runs along the boundary of the houses in my area. Our dogs love the walk. They are off their leashes, free to roam, run, shit, rub themselves in bird poop and mingle with other pooches. I had Ella's ball tosser loaded with new tennis ball. I was throwing, she was catching. We get to our usual stop off point by the water's edge, a sandbank. She runs onto the bank, ball in her mouth, which she promptly drops in the water. I watch it for a few seconds float on by me, sister hollering behind my head. I then attempt to retrieve the ball. Fail, fail, fail. I walk further along, placing my feet and self closer to the ball, unaware that Little Ella was bounding on behind me right into the water to save her toy. She however got swept up by the current, went scooting on her bottom down the green, moss and slime laden rocks, surfing the rapids, all the way down to the swirling water below. Swimming, swimming, oh the little legs that couldn't. Cayla screaming, screeching! I gingerly placed my feet on the slippery rocks in an attempt to save my child. Fail, fail, fail. Cayla still screaming. I go around the trees to a grassy embankment and show Little the way out. She clambers up and out. Safe. Drama over, well kinda. Cayla, is fuming and storms off. I let her walk it out. Ella is fine apart from being drenched to the bone, but full of beans. The walk back commences, and Ella attacks every sand trap on the way back. Oh hell dog, you are totally getting a wash.

My Little Erra.

I got shave-ed for my oprayshun.

In my Winter Collection

This Made Me Smile (No Laugh) Today

2011-09-07T14:09:00.003+02:00

Yeah? Yeah? Nooooo!

If You Are What You Eat...

2011-09-06T16:05:00.000+02:00

So I finally took action against my fat ass, I have decided to shrink it and it's surrounding areas. I signed up (rejoined) Weight Watchers today with much more enthusiasm and spirit than I ever had initially. I am for more interested in the process this time, and I am adamant that I will see my weight loss through to goal.

Woohoo.

Bring on the fresh fruit, steamed veggies, salads and water.

Goodbye burgers, chips and sugar. Can't say that I was really a bad food enthusiast. However, somehow this ass and tummy grew, they didn't do the eating all on their lonesome. So I have to take responsibility, for my health, my sanity, for me.

Messing Up The Meds

2011-09-06T15:37:00.000+02:00

So I made the stupid mistake this weekend of taking my tablets without concentrating. I think it started last Thursday. I mixed up my morning batch with my night time batch. Very confusing. Needless to say. My medication is sorted, into morning and night, and then by weekday. How I messed this up, I don't know. My blonde roots were showing. When the empty Friday morning stared at me, I stared back at it, thoroughly confused. What the eff had happened. Who had taken my pills, and why? I put it down to bad sorting on my part. I shrugged my shoulders, simply did some rearranging and scoffed my solution down my throat. Pleased with myself. Completely unawares of the chemical storm brewing inside. The mood, she was growing.

By Saturday afternoon I was so so down. Lying in bed was the only option, and even changing the channel on TV was an effort. I had dinner plans that night which I was quite looking forward to. A girls' night out with the Caroline's. We went to see Crazy, Stupid, Love. Oh, yeah, just what I was in the mood for. A movie to remind me about love and relationships.

When I got home that night, bored, tired, emotional and alone. I did the worst thing possible, on par with drunk texting. Sad texting. In this state you too are fuelled by emotion, are illogical and reason has no place in your world. So I called Paul. He was out. I got mad at him. Not his fault, we are not together at the moment. My FOMO was acting up and I was feeling sorry for myself. My moods were unstable, I was in a bad state.

Then I cried.

I can't even recall what movie I was watching, it was probably a comedy, but I cried.

Sunday... tablet sorting time! I was tired of feeling sad and sorry for myself, I had played that role, starred in that movie, sung that song and written that book all too many times before. I was finally stable. HAPPY, and then I fuck it up.

No more tears I say. Johnson and Johnson know what they are talking about.

Drool Worthy

2011-08-31T16:30:00.000+02:00

Found these online yesterday whilst doing some research. My parents are off to Europe for my cousin's wedding and my wishlist consists of one item; the silk / chiffon skull scarf from Alexander McQueen. Alas it's price tag is sitting at £165. A girl can dream right?

So I leave you with these beauties... they are taking up the daydreaming space in my head.

BLACK LEATHER SKULL CHARM WALLET

- Oh my Fuck!!

CORNFLOWER ENAMEL SKULL BANGLE

- The most beautiful thing I have ever seen!

What I'm Reading...

2011-08-26T18:04:00.000+02:00

Read is a four letter word to me... I'm being sarcastic not literal of course.This is an ironic predicament because I adore the written word . I absorb so many online articles, magazines, and crosswords. I am filled with good intention. I mean my bookshelf is full of wonderful authors and stories.It seems I have a block. I will pick up a book, full of excitement, begin reading the first few pages, make it about a chapter in; it will hit my bedside table and there it will become the coaster on which I place my drinks and other items. It will gather dust and eventually be retired to the bookshelf... of death.

I have tried, I really have. In this entire year I have finished one whole book, which I started in December last year. Chuck Palahniuk's "Non-Fiction". The book is brilliant. I think I stopped reading it because I left it in a camera bag and forgot about it. Then I thought I was on a roll, so I promptly bought more books of the same ilk. More Chuck's, a Hunter S. Thompson. For a while I was even reading "When Hungry, Eat" by Joanne Fedler, I had heard good things about this book. Being a girl of the "curvy" persuasion I thought I'd give it a read. It was awesome for the first half. Then I got bored of being preached too. A fatty was telling another fatty to diet, please girl, fuck off. That is more than likely not the intended message and I cannot give it a full review as I never finished the book, oh like most diets HA HA.

So I then turned to Chuck again, one of my new purchases. One of his newer publications, "Rant". I thought this would be it, the one to break the curse. Nope, it too hit the shelves.

So then my mom mentioned that she had the much lauded book, "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. I had seen this book on the shelves of Exclusive books a while back and the black and white cover paired with the title really drew me too it. I had to read it. Then when I got to Cape Town my gran was raving to me about it. I had to read it. Then my mom had it.

Now I am reading it. I make no promises, I am a mere two chapters in, but I am liking it.

I'll fill you in at a later stage. Reading with me is a slow process, but then so is losing weight. HA HA.

Lyric of the Day

2011-08-26T15:27:00.005+02:00

I heard this song on a compilation Paul downloaded many months ago. This band is fantastic. I have fallen head over heels in love with this song. Her voice is so lovely. I have to pass the joy on.

ENJOY!

"Shake off what leaves you cold

Shiver and disintegrate

Leaving just a core

I’ll shake off what leaves me cold

Shiver and disintegrate

Leaving just a core

Things we will always wonder

Things we will try to measure

Things we will never shake, never shed ever

Things we will always wonder

That our questions written through bone as if words and sticks were wrong

And whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle or not

Was I harrowed to the marrow when I fell shallow to the shock

I will always wonder whether I gave up

And we will always wonder

We will try to measure

Things we will never shake, never shed ever

We will always wonder whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Or not

Whether a selfish heart is a truth or muscle

Or not

Never shake, never shed

Never shake, never shed..."
- A.T.M. by Sky Larkin

Happy Birthday!

2011-08-23T10:05:00.000+02:00

My Dear Paul

Although we may be spending some time apart. I still want to wish you the happiest of birthdays.

26 today!!

I have known you for 11 of those 26 years. From high school buddies, forever friends at AFDA, party pals after varsity, colleagues and then partners in life and crime.

I wish for you a year and life paved by good choices, fine wine, good music, memorable moments, loyal friends, successful business endeavours, strong health, bursts of creative joy and energy, fantastic adventures around the world and of course boundless love.

I give to you my promise to remain your friend, to remain by your side without defining the capacity. To abandon a friendship and love as true as ours would be shameful.

Celebrate life! For you have only enjoyed the first quarter of it.

I toast to you, My Paul.

"And I hope that you smile tonight..."

- Three Hopeful Thoughts by Rilo Kiley

I stole this from Cayla's blog, and she stole it...

2011-08-22T10:29:00.000+02:00

Where did the title of of your blog come from?

It is a line from one of my favourite Minor Threat songs.

"Early to finish, I was late to start

I might be an adult, but I'm a minor at heart..."

The tagline of my blog. I feel that it sums up who I am. Stay forever young (you know you're singing the song right now)

Are you more of an extrovert or an introvert?

I did a psychometry test and it turns out that I am both. I am introverted with extroverted tendencies, but then again, aren't we all.

What makes you really sad?

When someone in my family is hurt or betrayed by those they trust. When harmless animals are hunted or abused. When families are torn apart by tragedy. And when I fight with those I love, for that I am sorry.

What makes you really happy?

Being on holiday in the game reserve with those I love.

Favorite book you have ever read?

The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay

I have the same issue as my sister. I can't seem to get to the end of a book nowadays. I am a good starter. I collect the damn things. I adore books. I plan on writing one someday. I better get cracking on the reading thing I guess.

Where did you grow up?

I was born in Cape Town, moved to Joburg at 18 months then back to Cape Town until I was 4 years old and then back to Smogsville aka JoziTown. So I grew up in Joburg. Lombardy East (classy ek se) for 16 years until we moved on and up to the "posh greener grasses" of Sandton.

What is your favorite event from your adulthood so far?

Travelling to the UK and Europe. I did the UK all on my lonesome.

What is your favorite event from your childhood?

Going on family holidays, to Cape Town and what not.

What is your motto in life?

It's the same as my sister's really. I pointed it out in the song to her. It resonates with us both. I do believe that living day to day is essential. I am such a planner that seeing the day for what it is can be overlooked. This year has taught me to calm down with myself, stop overplanning. Manage correctly, take in each moment and make time for yourself.

"We can't spend our lives waiting to live."

- Rise Against

What kind of people do you get along with?

Politicians, sexual offenders, bigots, racists, polygamists and nazis, oh and hunters!!

Ok no. People with a great sense of humour, a modicum of intelligence, sense of self respect for themselves and others, and animal lovers.

What are you best at?

Shit talking. I can talk the hind leg off of a donkey. I am also a great scheduler, planner, sorter and admin geek.

I love writing.

Who do you respect the most?

I agree with my sissy. She said our parents. They have taught me (and thus us), and instilled in us, the most unwavering work ethic, self respect and ability to love. At times they have had to work more than one job at a time to make ends meet. Currently they own a restaurant and dry cleaner. My mom runs the restaurant and oversees the dry cleaner. She also works as a pilates instructor three times a week. My dad is a freelance consultant for a software solutions company. Thus they are still working multiple jobs. Respect.

Would you like to be famous?

No thanks. I'd be in jail all the time for punching the papps.

What kind of man/woman would you like to marry?

Well a man first off. One that is financially independent with a sense of humour, well educated, relatively healthy and with a stable family life.

If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?

The USA, not sure on the state. Probably Boulder, Colorado.

If you could try anything and could not fail, what dream would you attempt?

I would open a no kill animal shelter. Just like all adoption and placement centres our focus would be on forever home adoptions. We would have a strong marketing team. The facilities would be state of the art, clean and all the staff would be well compensated. A volunteer program that will allow children to get involved in different capacities. As puppies require socialisation, and children need to learn how to handle, feed and clean up after an animal. Older children, young adults to adults can help with clean up, basic medication administration (deworming etc), washing of the animals, socialisation, walking, fostering and social media.

What superpower would you want and why?

To fly.

Are you a beach, country, or city girl?

If the game reserve is the country then that is who I am.

Something Borrowed

2011-08-21T16:19:00.001+02:00

This is a follow on post. I mentioned in my last post that my future wedding dress would take inspiration from both my grandmothers' dresses. They are both unique and beautiful, just like the women themselves.

Thelma (nee Feinberg) and Issy Beder

Alan and Milly (nee Schiff) Reiff

Nice Day for a White Wedding

2011-08-19T14:11:00.003+02:00

So every little girl has dreamed of her wedding day in some form or another. I'm not actually that kind of girl, and I really poo-pooed the idea and ideal of marriage. I saw it as antiquated and unnecessary. As I have aged and matured, so has my outlook. I have softened. I wear skirts, florals and have manicures. I've become a lady who still loves the punk rock kid living in my soul. I'll drink a beer with the best of them, and scream to my favourite Black Flag song in my car.

I think my initial outlook on marriage was dictated by my opinion of myself. I had a very low self image, esteem and regard. I think my distaste for the union and my opinion towards it was all a cover up. I think I was just afraid that no one would want to marry me. Lo and behold, we change. We mature. I too want to be married. I have been loved. It can happen.

I am not opposed to the idea of living in unwedded bliss with strong co-habitation agreements in hand I might add. However, as Paul has stated, if one of the partners wishes to walk down the aisle then that is the way it has to be.

So I find at my age, nearing the 26 mark, I am looking at more and more bridal sites, reading more articles and subconsciously admiring cakes. I think it is more of a biological clock thing than a yearning to have a "ring on this finger" thing.

This all comes across as sounding super psycho, judge me as you may. I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am, and will readily admit to this behaviour. It's not like I'm planning the big day or anything like that... Gosh you have to be engaged, however I do know what I would like to wear, eat, and be blinging on my ring finger.

So first comes the ring....
Sirkel Jewellery

My Dream Dress

Grace Kelly - I love the absolute elegance and timelessness

Kate Middleton
Such a beautiful dress -
Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen

I'll take either one - From Annica's Deli

What I know for sure is that I will be taking inspiration from the designs of both my Grandmothers' dresses. This will be my homage to them. They both had such exquisite dresses in their own rights. Thelma (dad's mom) had a lace dress that was well-fitted, soft and flowed with beauty, and Milly's (mom's mom) was raw silk and 1950's high fashion. I love both the looks. It is a pity that both the dresses have subsequently been sold and lost over time. It would have been a blessing to have used some of the material in a dress of my own, and I know my sister feels the same way. I will post images of their dresses soon. Their looks have to be shared. Plus the photographs themselves are fantastic!

New Music Love

2011-08-12T13:34:00.000+02:00

Heard this song for the first time on the radio the other day. Thought it was the new Modest Mouse. I think they have a similar sound. Can't wait to get the album. Enjoy the sound, enjoy the video!

Grouplove - Colours

This Made Me Sigh Today

2011-08-11T16:16:00.002+02:00

Perusing my new favourite website, vanityfair.com I came across the best dressed list for 2011, amongst other stunning pictorials. One of my favourite photogrpahers is a contributing editor for Vanity Fair. Ms Annie Liebovitz is a visionary. The pictures below are not hers but they did make me sigh today. This is just a random selection off the site.

The Duchess of Cambridge wearing chiffon Alexander McQueen.

The Duchess of Cambridge, Catherine in a pair of L.K. Bennett's Sledge Shoes

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy in Spain - her voice melts my heart

Cara, Chloe, and Poppy Delevingne - 3 sissys with style

Zooey Deschanel in Valentino at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2011 -
Oh Zooey, you crush my heart.
How I want your long brown locks, and piercing eyes!

Juliette Lewis in Georges Hobeika Couture at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2011.

Darren Aronofsky and Mickey Rourke - Pictorial for The Wrestler (love it!)
Is it me, or does Darren look like a Victorian gentleman?

Umberto Dei Giubileo (Italy, 1996) -
Cyclepedia: A Century of Iconic Bicycle Design

The Way We See Things

2011-08-11T13:53:00.000+02:00

You - To Complete...

Me - To Complement...

My Sister

2011-08-10T14:58:00.000+02:00

I just want to say thank you to my beautiful, strong, vivacious, young-at-heart, full-of-shit, sharp and highly intelligent sister. She herself has weathered a storm this year that no one could predict nor imagine, and my heart breaks when I think of a day without her in it. Yet she took the time out to write about me in her blog. The entry made me cry. She chose just the right song, just the right singer, just the right words.

Thank you for knowing me.

Chasing Pavements

2011-08-10T14:32:00.000+02:00

Even though the song 'Chasing Pavements' is about going after love, I prefer to use the term in another context.

The second half of last year was my year of "chasing pavements". For every fight Paul and I would have, I would literally take to the streets in a bid for attention and to cool my rage. I didn't want him to follow, yet I would turn and look for him. I did a lot of walking last year. Through the streets of Highlands North, Houghton, Norwood, Edenvale, Sandton and many more avenues and ways. I walked in the rain, harsh sun and cold. I ran away from him and eventually tore the ligaments in my ankle, this for me was a literal grounding, an end to our fights. Months of physiotherapy got my ankle right. Yet it did not end. Paul then adopted this behaviour and I had to take chase, bad leg and all.

We have chased pavements and each other in Johannesburg, Cape Town and even Swaziland. If I could not run I would threaten to kill myself. He went through so much. I finally got help in March and have not gone chasing any pavements in a very long time. I have opted instead for a more sedentary approach, once a week in my therapist's office.

However my best friend, my lover, my heart... is still chasing pavements and I can no longer run after him. This is a journey you will have to chase without me. I trust you find the help you need along the way.

I love you. I will be at the end of your road waiting.

New Paths

2011-08-04T17:23:00.000+02:00

This never meant to become a blog, memoir, journal for my ramblings about my dealings as a bi-polar lady. However, it has dominated my year. From psychiatrists and psychologists appointments. Blood tests. Medication, the scripting, the sorting, the trials and oh, the tribulations. This has been anything but an easy path for me.

With a gentle push from Nicky, my psychologist, I have decided that incorporating my daily, weekly ups-and-downs is a great idea. Everything on the net is so clinical and down the line. I have found that there is no set diagnosis for someone. Each experience is unique, as is each person.

This is where I have hit heads with my psychiatrist (no names mentioned). I find her approach far to strong, determined and decided. She gives the correct "ums" and "ahs" when I mention my symptoms and prescribes her "treatment", which I have discovered she rarely deviates from, from patient to patient.

She placed me on a cocktail of Lilly Fluoxetine (Prozac), to treat the depression; Lamictin as a mood stabiliser and Seroquel for any rage attacks. Weeks passed and I was feeling really fluey. I didn't know what to put it down to, I took Spirulina to boost my immune system, carried tissues for the sniffles, sucked on throat lozengers for the sore throat, sprayed the nose sprays, I took Linctagon for further immune support and nothing seemed to work. I had a post-nasal drip from hell. Hacking and choking is great! I thought I cannot be so sick for so long for no reason. Research was needed, research I did. Google, my friend, apparently there is a side effect known as the Lamictal post nasal drip. Aha, I thought, it's not all in my mind (har-har). Side effects included flu-like symptoms. So a visit to the psych was needed.

I walked in confidently with my researched (read Googled) evidence of my side effects. I had my argument laid out. She bulldozed. She basically poo-pooed my symptoms, and said that any site and any medication will list basic side effects with which I was presenting on paper and that my physical side effects were not from the medication. I felt differently and asked to come off the Lamictin. The withdrawl was not fun. Lethargy, headaches, nausea. I did more reading and found out that her cold-turkey cut was maybe not the best choice for me. A slow decrease in dose to ween me off may have been better.

Just before I was taken off the Lamictin I went to see her as I was still not completely stable, having vicious rage attacks and bouts of severe sadness. The thought of suicide was high after I would lash out. So she placed me on Quinolum SR (Lithium). This was the biggest deal for me and I fought it tooth and nail. I did not want to be a Lithium user. The stigma surrounding the drug for me was huge. My mom felt the same way. I spoke to my GP about it, I spoke to Nicky about it. All felt it was okay and that the advances made in the field were huge. I was at ease. So far, so good.

Then the sadness and rage returned as I was no longer on a mood stabiliser. So back to psych I went. R650 a shot I might add (for a 15 minute session). Basically it costs that much for a bloody script. Robbery. So we discussed my options. Being a girl of the heavier persuasion the use of Epilim was out as I would eat voraciously on this, thus becoming bigger, depressed. Not a great cycle. So she settled on Tegretol. With Lamictin she warned me about an aggressive rash that could occur. I didn't present with such rash, but I did get the flu-like symptoms (which sucked!).

I went away this weekend with Paul. We went to the Kruger. It was great. This was 5-6 days into my Tegretol introduction. We took a bath, and both noticed this crazy ITCHY red rash on my thighs, and on my ankles. I thought I had been bitten by a spider, or had a heat rash (in Winter?). So by the Saturday morning it had gotten progressively worse and I sent pics to my parents. My mom spoke to my aunt, a bi-polar empathiser. She had the same rash! From the same meds. Fuck, seriously. I researched this one. Google, you failed me, damn it. I was in the 5% of people with this Tegretol rash and it is hectic. I am now on anti-histamines and low dose cortisone to get it done. Thank fuck it is winter, I can cover up this shit.

I am so tired of this path.

Psych, you are fired!

I am going to see a new one, new opinion, new approach.

Sigh. So there is my rant for today. I still have a post-nasal drip plus hacking cough. Paul loves it. It jars him awake. I will work this all out. There is no hard-fast science to this stuff would you believe. No one prescription works for all. I just wish it could have been a once off case for me. But then again, what is life without adversity. We learn from mistakes. I write about it. Tell you about it. Oh, the learning I have done this year.

Take It or Leave It

2011-07-19T17:27:00.000+02:00

The day after yesterday. The aftermath of it all. We came to a resolution. We came to a conclusion. We need mediation. I am tired. I am so tired. Fighting is so senseless, yet most of the world is brandishing arms against one enemy or another. We are constantly at war, in the home, on our home grounds. I am not about to get pseudo-political here. It is simply a comparison. If we cannot even get along in love, how can humans be expected to get along anywhere else.

I look to another woman to was just as mad, sad and filled with sentences as me... Sylvia Plath. I won't be sticking my head in an oven any time soon. My road has a little more light at the end of it.

But I leave you with some prose for thought from her. She wrote so magically. I ache when I read her. She gets it. She gets it.

This is how I felt this morning;

"I couldn’t see the point of getting up. I had nothing to look forward to."

- Sylvia Plath

This is how I feel by the end of this long day;

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences."

- Sylvia Plath

This Fork In The Road

2011-07-18T17:24:00.000+02:00

"...Keeping our wits about us

our fists are powerless

leaving nothing behind us

it seems we're just not that important

maybe in our minds

but a healthy mind is hard to find...

everyone is leaving with cuts on their hands

and scars on their arms

and dreams on their stereos

in sleep-deprived plans

we burn bushes at this

fork in the road..."

- Fork in the Road by aKing

Today marks one of the darkest days, most ridiculous arguments and most senseless violent upheavals.

I am not sorry for being social, I am not sorry for being chatty, I am not sorry about forgetting someone insignificant, I am not sorry for refusing to admit guilt to a lie that I do not own. I am not sorry for feeling the way I do today, I am not sorry for what I said to you.

I am sorry for how I hurt you, with my hands.

I am sorry for you. I wish you could see that I would never be deceitful nor secretive. I am not malicious nor cunning. I am sorry for you that you choose to adopt a possessive, jealous and obsessive mentality. It is very hard to love you when you are always like this. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you and I have changed almost every aspect of my life to ensure that it fits in with your behaviour.

I am sorry for myself. I am constantly the target of wrongful accusations, and am always being told that I am lying. I live an honest life. My life is constantly coloured in by you. You try to fill in all the details, but with the wrong colours.

I am sorry for you, I am sorry for me.

We have beaten each other up. Emotionally, mentally and physically.

We are now at this proverbial fork in the road.

I have reached it, I really don't know which way to turn. Do I turn to more medication, as you always tell me that I am mentally unstable, or do I go darker and reach for the entire bottle.

I ask you this as I am not the only one, who down a path in life is forced to change. When one can't see the fault in themselves it is inevitably there.

I am sorry, but I am not sorry for being me.

Take It or Leave It

2011-07-12T15:36:00.000+02:00

"The one important thing

I have learned over the years

is the difference between

taking one's work seriously

and taking one's self seriously.

The first is imperative and

the second is disastrous..."

- Margot Fonteyn - Prima Ballerina Assoluta

I adore Ballet. I do not dance it. Although I was enrolled in classes from the age of 4 like most young girls. My mother was a ballerina and even taught up until the 8th month of her pregnancy with me. Her love of dance and ballet rubbed off on me. I did not carry doing it but my love and admiration for it did not go. I recall as a little girl paging through the many ballet and dance books we have. Learning about the origins of dance and being dazzled by the look of the dancer on pointe, and the magical costumes. Over the years I have accompanied my mom to many ballet productions and seen some of the best dancers from around the world. The dedication, poise and tenacity of each dancer is highly admirable. I personally feel that dancing is far harder than singing. The struggles that the body has to go through and thus the mind overcome is overwhelming. There is the dark side of ballet, like modelling where the dancers harshly monitor their food intake, to be the lightest, slimmest dancer out there. I however just like to watch them... Fouetté en tournant, grand jeté and entrechat-quatre.

Gaga for Gaga

2011-06-07T15:15:00.000+02:00

I adore Lady Gaga. She can do no wrong. Her voice, her music, her crazy, daring sense of style. She is one hundred percent my guilty pleasure. I sing her at the top of my lungs in my car. She is creative and not afraid of being unusual and deemed eccentric. She is highly exposed and highly commercial, but what singer gets into the music industry without bright lights in their eyes. She has the brightest. I really hope she keeps it going. She needs to keep that head screwed on. I am looking forward to what she works on in the future. Right now I am loving what she has going on.

"...Give yourself prudence

and love your friends

subway kid,

Rejoice your Truth

In the religion of the insecure,

I must be Myself, respect my youth..."

- Born This Way by Lady Gaga

Time to Deal

2011-06-06T14:25:00.002+02:00

This post has been a long time coming.

I have bi-polar II disorder.

As defined by Wisegeek

"Bipolar II is a psychiatric disorder that involves mood swings from depressed to hypomanic states. Unlike bipolar I, also called manic depression, bipolar II does not involve manic states. However, like bipolar I, the person afflicted suffers from varying degrees of mood. Bipolar II may create depression or anxiety so great that risk of suicide is increased over those who suffer from Bipolar I."

A few posts back I spoke about being depressed, wanting to end my life and about my rage. Since that post I have gotten the help I so needed. I have been to see a psychiatrist, who has placed me on anti-depressants, anti-epileptics and most recently Lithium (which I will talk about later). I have been to many psychologists to assess me. It was basically an interview process with them. It is all about finding the person that you connect with, someone who can handle you, someone who gets you.

My depression is the reason why I had lost my drive in every aspect of my life. I had begun to neglect my health, my relationship with my family and my friends. I had no interest in bettering my life. I ate because I was depressed, I ate because I needed to fill an emptiness that could not be filled by any person or thing. My weight had ballooned to where it was a few years ago. I had put on this weight, yet Paul still loved me and stood by me.

Paul puts up with my sad moods, my bad moods. What would be an ordinary fight between a couple, I would blow out of proportion, and the fights would last for hours, days. I would end our relationship many a time.
Let me explain. When my mood switches it is like an electrical switch being turned on or off in my head. It is as if the wiring in my head has a short. I have no control over it. When such a switch happens, I become irrational, bad-tempered, rage-filled, aggressive, physical and have zero regard for consequence. I have run down a road and torn the ligaments in my ankle as I have misread a look on Paul's face and wanted to be heard, so I disregarded all safety and ran. I was the one who paid in the end. Then in the morning, when my mood and rage has passed and I am in a clear state of mind, Paul and I resolve things. This is not fair on him, and I am grateful to have him in my life. He is truly an angel and I love him.

Let me explain my rage further. I also have temporal lobe epilepsy which is associated with rage attacks, detachment from myself and the outside world, anxiety, panic attacks and heightened sense of smell, to mention a few. I do not experience epileptic attacks or seizures if that is what you are thinking and I am allowed to drive a car. These symptoms are experienced during a seizure, it does not physically grab hold of my body, it manifests itself in my brain. It is simply the way my brain is wired. I was diagnosed with this when I was 16 years old, and put on anti-epileptics. I had gone to a neurologist for severe migraines and sharp headaches, which is a symptom of it. I was not informed by my neurologist of all the symptoms and simply carried on thinking that my rage and depression was simply who I was... an angry person. I put it down to being a teen, I put it down to being a frustrated, overweight, shy teen. I would act out violently towards those that were closest to me, but then become an absolute recluse.

When I think back, I have always had rage issues, just ask my sister. We would get into monumental physical fights. They say this is normal for kids to fight, but I can tell you now that the way I felt and the way I hurt her is not normal, I can see this now and I am sorry. I love you Cake, you are my sissy. My mom would tell me about when I was a toddler and if I did not get my way, I would hold my breath in my crib until I passed out. This was my way of dealing with my frustration. I think back to when I was 9 or 10, if I got angry or upset, how I would try to smother myself, I'm still here, so that never worked.

Is this normal?

I am not sure, but according to statistics, it is becoming more common. More and more people, including youths and children are being diagnosed as bi-polar. I think it is highly important to obtain an early diagnosis.

So far things have been better, not great but better. I no longer experience any bouts of depression and am getting my life in order. I have taken out a gym contract, I have commenced a serious job hunt, and I am no longer stress eating, or eating to fill the nothingness. I have begun reading again, which I really love and am blogging / writing, which I gave up on. I am doing things for me! I need to find me!

And now onto the rage...
I spoke to my psychiatrist on Thursday and I told her that I no longer feel depressed yet all my rage is still there. When I have a fight or conflict with someone, I lash out, either with very vicious words (I can kill in an argument) or with my fists (I am known to be quite the boxer). This is nothing I am proud of. So we decided to take corrective measures and put me on the best Lithium medication for me. I have just begun and am looking forward to the changes.

I no longer want to be held captive by my emotions. I look forward to being happy and successful in every aspect of my life.

Skirt Love

2011-06-06T12:12:00.000+02:00

I have developed an obsession with skirts and dresses over the last year. My cupboard is filled with them and I haven't even worn them all. I wear a skirt / dress every nearly single day, come rain, sunny day, wintry wind or summer breeze. I just love 'em. I have floral, sailor inspired, plain black, office wear, denim, button down, striped and many more. I have pretty much the same in dresses. Which I pair with my crazy cardigan collection, which I also adore. I have selected my top looks from my favourite DIY fashion blog Lookbook.nu. Enjoy!

The Voice in My Head is Irish

2011-05-31T17:04:00.000+02:00

Why is it that the voice in my head (don't act like you don't have an inner voice), why is it that mine has an Irish accent? Just like Gerard Butler's. There is background tunes a playing like a folksy Flogging Molly.

I love the Irish, minus their drunken rages. I have always wanted to visit Ireland, it's rain, it's rolling hills, it's Guinness (ok not really), it's history, it's accents, it's green, it's Ireland.

Paul said I should give this little voice a name, like Gerard or Colin. It would be funny but then I would be humanising said voice. I thought this little experience was funny enough to pass along and share. Voice doesn't have an image I can attribute to it. Yet it dictates my way through the day. When I put a virtual puzzle together, it criticises me; when I send an email, it adopts a pucker Irish accent.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

The Pogues - A Fairytale Of New York by vince_suelze

Love Is Paranoid

2011-05-19T19:50:00.001+02:00

We have to make this work. I love you so much.

We've said it before, whatever it takes. Take this as my commitment to you, to us.

I am looking forward to my future with you, the fun times and the inevitable fights.

"I step right off the edge, let the blood rush to my head

I'm going down to where the lucky ones have bled

I lift the veil up to reveal a fascination

And if you crave it then you know that you are injured

And I'm holding on

For what you do to me, oh, baby, there's no measure

I've taken everything, now I want to give it

I left the lights on so you stumble in devotion

So easy, so easy, it's left unspoken

And I'm holding on

I've come to realize you're the only thing I want

I'm falling all the way in

I've come to realize you're the only thing I want

I'm falling all the way in

(I've fallen)..."

- Love is Paranoid by The Distillers

"Baby, you make my heart beat faster.

Baby, you make my heart beat faster. I know.

Yeah I know. I know..."

My Baby's Last Photo Session

2011-05-19T19:20:00.001+02:00

I rummaged through my drawers the other day and found my Casio digital camera. The battery had died and I wondered what was on it. I then remembered. Sabrina's last pictures. I cringed and put the camera back into the drawer knowing full-well that I would have to face them one day. Today was that day. I took the camera out, charged the battery and loaded the images onto my PC.

My darling...

So sweet, so old, always tired towards the end. Her face so grey and aged she looked like a panda in the negative.

I miss her everyday, I don't expect that to change, but what I know for sure is that the pang and hurt of loss will lessen more and more as each day passes.

This is my favourite poem by John Donne. For my Sabrina, up there somewhere beautiful.

"Death, be not proud, though some have callèd thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so ;

For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure―then, from thee much more must flow ;

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones and soul’s delivery.

Thou’rt slave to fate, chance, kings and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell ;

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,

And better than thy stroke. Why swell’st thou then ?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally,

And death shall be no more. Death, thou shalt die..."

- Death, be not Proud by John Donne

How My Little Has Grown So Big.

2011-05-17T16:44:00.000+02:00

So it has been about a month and a half that little Ella has been in our lives, and boy has she grown. In the 6 weeks that she has been running around Beder manor she has piled on 6.5 kilograms. It took a little research and we figured out that our little is going to be a big. Bloodhound big. Her mommy is a basset hound. But it seems that her and her brothers have got her father's looks, or should I say bone structure and colouring. Her paws are massive, her ears are floppy. She is ball, rope, bone, couch, pillow, stick, actually anything she can chew, crazy. She is teething you see. A hand will do just fine too. In these past few weeks, she has taken to sleeping in her little bed like a champ, although her tummy works like clockwork at 4am. She then wakes up at 5am for cuddle time, and who could resist those droopy puppy eyes. She then crawls to the warmest spot in the bed, down to my legs. She is so sweet, like a portable hot water bottle with a heartbeat (that weighs 8kgs). She then emerges a few hours later, too warm, and wide awake, it's chew time.

This little Ella has stolen my heart. Her love is unconditional towards me and mine towards her. I miss her when I am not around her. She makes me laugh and I am loving watching her grow. The last few weeks have been a real mommy test, as she is like a real baby. Up every few hours for toilet (read nappy) duty. I am really looking forward to seeing what she will look like as a big girl. She does not replace the space left in my heart left by my Sabrina, but she has carved out a new one.

My boss has also adopted one of her brothers. Things turn out great sometimes. At least I know one of her little siblings has gone to a good home.

Here are a few pictures of the little one in doing her thing. Hope they smiles to your face as they have to mine. Enjoy!

Little Ella

2011-04-11T17:51:00.000+02:00

Last week Friday, my family and I began our search for a new four-legged family member. We began on the Friday afternoon at a dog shelter in Woodmead by our home. We had heard about a litter of basset hound crosses, and two little staffie cross boys. Alas we were searching for a girl to add to our family. We kept that shelter in mind and then moved our search along to the Saturday and the greater areas of Johannesburg and it's "surrounds". I say "surrounds", as we traveled far and wide, from Krugersdorp to Roodepoort, Sandton to Booysens. We saw all the SPCA's, Animal Anti-Cruelty Leagues and other animal shelters we could fit in to the strict 9-12 time frame. It was a saddening process. We needed a girl, we wanted a puppy. We looked at those faces, we wanted them all. Love is not even an issue. We came home empty handed, our hearts a little sadder. I don't think I was ready for a new baby in the home, as the loss of my baby, Sabrina, was still so raw. So I left the choice of adoption up to my sister and my dad. I knew this was not about me, it was about Caesar. Our 10 year old Alsatian mix. He needed a companion and play partner.

On Saturday afternoon my dad told me that he had phoned the Woodmead shelter about fostering one of the basset puppies for the weekend. To see how they would fit in. The car came down the drive way.

She ran in.

She bumbled, she fumbled, she fitted in. From fostered to family in an hour.

Little Ella is a firm member of our family in just 8 days. She has put on 1kg in weight in a week. I am happy to say that she is a little princess with the jaws of a shark. I love her. I cannot wait to see the beauty she grows into. What a blessing. What a soul.

My Gotta Have Em Items

2011-03-25T12:00:00.000+02:00

These are my "gotta-have-'em" fashion items, including hair and styles for the coming seasons. In South Africa, we are going into Autumn and Winter. All pictures are from Lookbook. I love this site. Constantly updated with individual style from around the world. Enjoy!

Awesome Style

Awesome Hair

Awesome Chinos

Awesome Scarves

Awesome Scarf / Handbag combo

Awesome Handbag

Awesome Boots

Earth Hour

2011-03-22T11:07:00.003+02:00

Farewell My Heart...

2011-03-18T10:40:00.000+02:00

On Monday evening at 18h15 I put my 15 year old Staffie cross, Sabrina, to sleep. She was my heart. I have had her since I was 11 years old. She came to us from a family that could not give her the love she craved and so deserved. She was a light, she was a joy. My little baby always had a glint in her eye, she was mischievous, fun loving, warm hearted, intuitive and full of love. She would snuggle you when you were sad and lie on you when she needed attention.

She had had a hip problem since she was a puppy. My family could not afford to give her the op that she needed, we gave her the love. We gave her the meds when her arthritis came in older age, we gave her meds when her spine started to deteriorate. Love and care was never a question. It is what she gave us. Throughout my time with her, all I worried about was my life without her. I ached at the thought of my world without her. I cried many nights. As she got older, I got sadder. Towards the end she needed help to go outside. She could't walk and would cry for attention. Eating was tedious. We were only postponing the inevitable. We had had the arguments that her head and heart were fine, but her body was giving in.

I miss her. I hear her breathing, I hear her collar. I have not properly cried over the loss. I am still in shock. The stages of grief and loss, I guess.

In the end her body had atrophied to such a point that the vet, our family friend, Stan could not find a usable vein in her leg in which to inject the sedative and consequent anesthetic overdose.. I had to hold up her head to help with the circulation. I held her as she was falling asleep. I held her as she death rattled, as she died. I kissed her goodbye.

My baby is resting, no more pain. Somewhere to run, somewhere she can breathe. I have yet to collect her ashes. She will be with me forever.

I love you Sabrina.

You take my heart in your heart.

Molluscophobia - My Hell

2011-03-10T11:21:00.000+02:00

I am afraid of slugs and snails... Full Stop.

I hate the way they move, the way they look, the way they leave a "snail trail" behind when they slime their way across my path, I hate the way they eat my plants. They are gross. Capital G. GROSS. They make me shiver, they make me nauseous. I wish they did not exist, what is their purpose?

It turns out, through reading and research that they form part of the food chain, they eat poop and are then eaten by other animals. They are essentially food. I am sure the world can do without these creatures. Frick! I dislike them. However I understand the delicate ecological balance and that by removing said slug it would cause a devastating ripple effect in the food chain. Grin and bear it they say.

Paul suggested I leave a bottle of beer in my garden. Drunken snails. Now there's an idea. But what good would it do to kill them. At what rate do these things multiply and why are they in my bedroom? I have come to an understanding that the world needs them, I dislike them, but I have to tolerate them. I have had a few instances where they have been on me, turning me into the screeching, screaming, leaping 25 year old girl that I am. Drama.

Below is the perfect example of why slugs are evil.

American McGee's Alice in Wonderland - being attacked by a GIANT SNAIL!

150 Movie Lines & Catch-Phrases

2011-03-10T11:01:00.000+02:00

This is an awesome edit Paul and I saw online. I cannot take credit for it in the slightest and am simply sharing the awesomeness. It will make you smile, it will make you happy, it will make you reminisce, it will make you remember how much you love the movies.

Enjoy!

Circus

2011-03-08T15:44:00.001+02:00

I have fallen in love with a series on TV called Circus (airing in South Africa on Discovery World). It gives a remarkable in depth view of life in and around the big tent, from riggers to performers. Daily life and strife. It is so beautifully filmed and edited, I feel inspired and enthralled every time I watch it. I am taken in. I have never identified with the circus, I actually dislike the thought of them, especially the ones that employ the use of animals such as elephants and tigers. This show opened my eyes. They showed what a family they are, what it takes to live in world and they invited us to watch. I am sad it was limited to a six part documentary series, but glad to have seen it.

Enjoy the clips below. Hope you have seen it too!

This is the featurette by PBS for Circus;

This is the music / main theme from Circus by The Features - "Whatever Gets You By / Drawing Board"

My Sister's 21st Birthday Video

2011-03-07T17:11:00.004+02:00

This is a video I edited for my sister's 21st birthday. I used photographs and home movies to create a story and montage set to music. If you keen for the same for your event, drop me a mail. Enjoy!

"Too Sorrowful to Weep"

2011-03-05T23:19:00.000+02:00

This may just be the most raw entry to date. I am home on a Saturday night, once again. I have a loving boyfriend, I have a loving family and a fun group of friends whom I see regularly yet I am in the deepest, darkest, no words to describe of depressions. I cry everyday, contemplate suicide, research methods of said suicide and fight with everyone. I feel alone, I feel lonely, I feel disconnected and empty yet I am surrounded by love and light. It is hard to see the light when you have been in the dark for so long. It could be a simple hormonal imbalance, who knows. But tonight was the breaking point and my parents were phoning doctors to have me committed. What a frightening thought. A night in the hospital for a mental and emotional meltdown. It has been a long time coming though. I can't remember the last time I was happy for an extended period of time. It always seems too hard. I never stick to an eating plan, I never stick to an exercise regime, I used to drink too much, stay out too late, fight too much and judge too much. I am unhappy. I think admitting it to myself has to be the first step. It has come between my relationship with my boyfriend and my relationship with my parents, even my friends.

I look at myself in photographs and do not identify or connect with the person (myself) in it. I sometimes even feel jealous of the girl on the arm of my boyfriend. 'I want to be her', I think. Insane huh? I don't feel an urge to connect with anyone, make an effort with anyone. I have lost my drive. Yet when it comes to my career and work, people would never think this, as in the professional work environment I am highly driven, passionate and proud. Sometimes too self-sacrificing. I don't have a balance. What is life without balance but then a constant battle of uphills and downhills.

I am thankful, grateful and relieved for the inevitable confrontation that will lead to my healing. I am ready to leave the past behind and move from the darkness into the light. I hope that no one go through such ordeals. I know life is not such a bully as I make it out to be, but when it is bad, it is really really bad. I am looking forward to the good. For what else can I do.

Let me share a poem... It is dark, but I connected with it in the past;

"When you have tidied all things for the night,

And while your thoughts are fading to their sleep,

You'll pause a moment in the late firelight,

Too sorrowful to weep.

The large and gentle furniture has stood

In sympathetic silence all the day

With that old kindness of domestic wood;

Nevertheless the haunted room will say:

'Someone must be away.'

The little dog rolls over half awake,

Stretches his paws, yawns, looking up at you,

Wags his tail very slightly for your sake,

That you may feel he is unhappy too.

A distant engine whistles, or the floor

Creaks, or the wandering night-wind bangs a door

Silence is scattered like a broken glass.

The minutes prick their ears and run about,

Then one by one subside again and pass

Sedately in, monotonously out.

You bend your head and wipe away a tear.

Solitude walks one heavy step more near..."

- Solitude by Harold Monro

Oscar Looks - Like and Love

2011-02-28T11:05:00.000+02:00

I have a slight obsession come awards season. I am addicted to every facet of said season. From the speeches, to the tears, to the cheesy montages, to the tributes, to the thumbholding, nailbiting, anticipatory predictions, and of course the red carpet run up with the dresses. I love it. Have since I was a kid. Sitting starry eyed in front of the TV like a kid promised sweeties. I despise seeing the news in the morning, or seeing the online print rundown of who had won the night before. It is absolutely ruining the element of surprise for me, I love the nerves of not-knowing, and guessing, and being happy for the person. Lame, but fun. However, being a news junkie and logging onto a news site every morning, I kinda ruined it for myself when a big purple picture of Natalie Portman was sitting there, on my screen, Oscar in hand, hand wiping tear from face. So I thought screw it, give it to me. Give me the gory details. I felt like I was defeating a part of my soul. I had watched some of the E! Red Carpet this morning. You know, looking at the dresses. So here are a few of my favourites from last nights event. I must mention though, never before have I gasped at something I liked so much. It just so happens to be Ms Scarlett Johansson who has done it again and captured my heart. She is such a stunner. Her hair, her dress, her make up... All on point. Did I mention her hair. I think I just might imitate. Enjoy!

Scarlett Johansson - Le Wow in Dolce and Gabbana!

Camila Alves - in Kaufman Franco

Mila Kunis - in Elie Saab

Reese Witherspoon - in Giorgio Armani

Take It or Leave It

2011-02-22T15:28:00.000+02:00

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses"

- Dorothy Parker

A picture from 2008, when I used to wear glasses.

Lyric of the Day

2011-01-28T10:20:00.000+02:00

"Daddy's ghost behind you

Sleeping dog beside you

You're a poem of mystery

You're the prayer inside me

Spoken words like moonlight

You're the voice that I like..."

- Faded From The Winter by The Iron and Wine

Listen and see...

Pokered Out

2011-01-24T17:45:00.000+02:00

So Paul enjoys himself a game of poker, okay he plays a lot. From online to home games, he can't get enough of the game. It is always on his mind and he has the makings of a professional.He is cool under pressure, hard to read, skilled and tight with his money, play or real. I play occasionally with him. We play in the park under the trees, we play with chocolate coins, we play online. I never play for cash, he knows that. For me, it is a game, not a gamble. Winners know when to stop, haha. But I love him nonetheless and will support (if not watch) this habit.

We edit poker, it's our job. We are surrounded by it all day. We learn from the best. It is like being in a poker school. Watching the bad beats, watching the folds, watching the body language... we learn. Thus our game becomes better even though we may not be playing. I can say that from not playing (a year ago), I would love to become a professional player, oh the pressures though.

So I leave you with some wise words;

"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards..."

- Oscar Wilde

Lyric of the Day

2011-01-14T21:17:00.000+02:00

This is easily one of the most beautiful songs ever crafted. It sings to the sappy girl in me. The music video is just as lovely. Just enjoy!

"There are moments when,

When I know it and

The world revolves around us,

And we're keeping it,

Keep it all going,

This delicate balance,

Vulnerable all knowing..."

- Existentialism on Prom Night by The Straylight Run

Take It or Leave It

2011-01-11T14:18:00.000+02:00

" I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly,

a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound

-- if I can remember any of the damn things..."

- Dorothy Parker

Balkan Beat Box - AMPED!

2011-01-10T16:25:00.000+02:00

We have been to a few of the Balkanology parties over the last year but are particularly excited as the first one this year is being hailed by a performance by Balkan Beat Box. They are an eight piece 'gypsy' music band featuring a former member of Gogol Bordello. AMPED! It's going to be a rad night.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

2010-12-24T18:17:00.000+02:00

My friend sent this to me over email. Too good not to share.

"Good day Dear Friend.

I wanted to send you a holiday greeting, but it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So, I met with my lawyer today, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice (or winter solstice as the case may be) holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

‘I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that South Africa is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
‘By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms:

‘This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

‘Disclaimer: no trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.’

Kind regards,
Dani."

Happy Holidays ya'll. Eat lots,

love lots, give lots and be safe!

Take It or Leave It

2010-12-09T22:17:00.000+02:00

Dorothy Parker has to be one of my all-time favourite poets and writers. Her wit, wry intelligence and self-deprecating manner is too brilliant for well, words. She has stuck with me since covering some of her works in high school. I have always looked to her as the spinster who had a way with words, men and the bottle. She was not a shy drinker nor lover. She told many a tale without a flush of the cheek. I admire her 'answer-to-no-one, no apologies' style. The next few posts and quotations will be featuring her quips and quirky comments. Do enjoy!

"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it..."

- Dorothy Parker

Lyric of the Day

2010-12-08T16:11:00.000+02:00

My little bird... come back to me. I love you.

"Little bird, don't you fly away.

You're everything I need today.

It's cold and grey.

It's not so great.

My little bird, come back again.

I wake up and you're not there,

like a day without the sun.

I don't wanna sound depressed,

but you're everything I ever wanted.

What am I supposed to do,

without my little bird?

without my..

Little bird, don't you fly away.

You're everything that I need to day.

Well, the sun may shine,

the rain may fall,

with my little bird I feel nothing at all.

Little bird, come back again.

I go to the bar and order twenty four tequilas,

but without you to fall down with,

it doesn't mean a thing.

I'm so lonely without you.

What am I supposed to do,

without my little bird?

(skank it up, yo.)

Come back again.

Little bird, don't you fly away.

You're everything that I need today.

It's cold and grey.

It's not so great.

My little bird, come back again.

Little bird, come back again.

Little, little bird, come back, come back again..."

- Little Bird by Fuzigish